Ferret? Wear it!

Today I worked the escort service at school... and no, not THAT type of escort service. Man, I wish. Too bad they're all mostly timid girls afriad of the dark/sexual predation. What kind of relationship could I build around that? Throw me a bone or something.

Yeah, I work for UCPD, not Cheetahs or Booblicious Babes, or for whoever I make all of those expensive nightly phonecalls too.

The last escort I did was kind of loopy. She was definitely one of those "cat ladies." Yeah, I learned she has 3 dogs and 6 cats, and she just got another dog a whiles ago. But see, all of the cats hate this dog, and some refuse to come into the house, other cats refuse to be served food on the floor, so she has to set it up on the counter. Anyways, she has this really complicated system of feeding all of the animals in the morning, and now I know about it. I feel like that's a bit too much for me. I could write down, right here, the process in it's entirety. She just loved to talk about it.

I hope I don't become animal-loopy when I'm old. I can take crazy, but I dod not want to be "Old Lady Ferret-Face" after having over 50 ferrets living in my housing, one of which I killed a man in Nicaragua for in order to obtain in the deep jungles of .. fuck it, I have no idea what the natural habitat of a ferret is. Forest maybe? eh, whatever. As far as I'm concerned, it's natural habitat should be in my closet as my jacket, gloves, and hat. Ferret shoes while we're at it! ? Not so sure how that would work, but I'm getting creative imagery in my mind; although the having the heads poke out in front probably isn't all that creative of a thought/idea.

I want to watch a snake and a ferret battle it out. That's cruel. Oh.. yeah, it is... I mean't mongoose. Ferret wouln't stand a chance. Ferrets are pussies.

goodnight. The lights have turned off around me.

Lonesome Dove

You know, it's hard being here sometimes; I don't necessarily mean here at UCLA, at college... but just here in the world. It can get pretty lonely. Everyone is running around, trying to live their lives, make it better; well, here everyone is just trying to figure out how to get to that point. I know a lot more people this year (and wow! they actually talk to me when they see me rather than avoid me! haha) and I find myself developing really close relationships with a select few of them -- which is great. Last year I can say I really didn't have that; I'm meeting so many awesome characters with whom I love to hang out with (did I get cooler this year, or did I just get better at giving people the impression that I am?). It's odd though: I think the time I feel the least lonely here are times when I'm by myself (not that I'm one to be lonely around friends). Those moments when I walk alone at night, or am in my room just as now, they are so precious and rejuvenating... I can figure things out. The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. When I'm alone I can re-evaluate my character and explore my thoughts, just getting to know who I am in all the tangles of life (which in my case are pretty ridiculous at times). Everyone here tries to project this image of certainty in their life, as though they know what they are doing. Ha! yeah right! Where's the fun in that?

This is such an awesome year, it really is. It's amazing to me that it's only going to get better. It's going to be a sad day when I fly out of here.

([I really over-used the whole (parantheses's's's) thing))))])

Righting To Write My Life

When I'm bored and feel like I need to waste my time doing something completely unconstructive, I read over my own blog like a journal. And I suppose in a sense that's what it is, right? It just suprises me how varying and polar my moods are, even throughout a day. There are days when I jsut feel so good, and life is wonderful.. and then I just feel so shitty. I'm starting to think about what is causing all of this. Are there particular things that jus bring my mood down? I think it's easy to say "oh, those crazy hormones!" but I'm not sure how much that pulls anymore. I know what makes me happy, I know what doesn't.

I used to keep a journal, a written one. But then I found out my mom had read a part of it, because one day she was acting odd, and asked me a very personal question about something that happened a really long time ago. It's such a violation. You know, if you're going to read my fucking journal, don't mention things to me about it. What a bitch. That makes me angry. Ok. No angry feelings Susanne. Let's think about something different.

Everything is moving so fast.
It would be nice if things just s l o w e d down a bit.
So that I could catch up.

Wow. "Danny Boy" is not the most uplifting song to be listening to right now. Umm... change track. Yeah. That's more like it. I good bounce in a song is all I need to get me going again.

Anyways, the plan is to keep doing what makes me happy.

Yay! I just remembered! I'm going to have someone to eat dinner with this Tuesday! No more being alone in the dining hall.... haha. I'm so pathetic. I love it.

Cellular Complications

The only good songs on the radio last night during the country show on 88.9fm were the sad ones.

I ate a lot of pancakes this morning for breakfast. They were really good. Dianne and I went with here friend Ben. Cool guy. Nice dude.

Godamn it. It's one of those days when I have a lot on my mind but nowhere to lay it down. Here? HA. I should have brought my journal from SD up here. I wonder if I should go to confession. I'm not baptised. Sometimes I wonder if I should just to be safe. Haha. Yeah, that's the extent of my religious practice right there. Don't do things just in case. Haha, not really. You know, I don't know where my spirituality has gone, not in that it has disappeared, but rather I'm not sure if it's gotten strong er or not. It's just different than it used to be. I can't practice organized relgion, but I can look around me and see wonderful things. And while taking Life Science classes I can't decide whether the complete and utter complication of the simplest things either support the existence of discredit it. I almost don't think God would make things so complex, yet it seems so hard to believe that it took ONLY those billions of years to create it through evolution and really when it comes down to it -- chance.

Anyways, I should probably start studying the material for the midterm on Monday, rather than philosophize about it.

Damn. Sometimes I wish I was a North Campus Major.

That's a lie.

The fact that my cells are doing a bunch of stuff right now really weirds me out.

Eating It

Mmmm... so, my life. Yeah. Yesterday was yet again another a bad day turned into a decent one (except this time it transitioned from an even worse 3/10 to an 8/10). I studied hard (well, kind of) for me chem test but got pretty worked. However, upon hearing more than one asian-girl-with-an-annoying voice say "Oh my God! What do you mean there was a fourth question?!" I felt a little bit better about my place in the curve.

I don't know. Yesterday's DAY just sucked so much. Tired, stressed, all that shit. It was nice to just sit at a desk in Powell studing for LS2, with the same view in front of me for 5 hours:



It would be nice if there weren't any doors in the way:



*sigh* That test is going to be damn hard. I'm going to eat it. Really. I'm going to get there and due to my insanity, I will physically (as opposed to metaphorically?) place the test in my mouth and eat it over the course of two hours. Haha! I wonder what the teacher would do?! That would be AWESOME! One day, I'll just go into a class in which I am not enrolled in, and do it. And make a scene. Haha. My life goals are so pathetic. I should be curing cancer or something. eh.

Dianne's friend Ben is coming up to spend the night tonight, so I guess we're going to be going to dinner. He offered to take us to breakfast in the morning; Dianne wants to go to Izzy's after I told her how good the pancakes were.

My life is a mess. Why do I always do this? You're digging yourself into hole Susanne. Get out while you still can.

Hop On The Cum Bus!

*sigh* whoa. that was weird. Something jsut moved on my desk without any assistance. I'm going COO-KOO! KA CHOO! Ok. It's not moving now. Maybe I should lay off on the LSD.

Yeah. So this is my story:

I'm walking by the PAB building towards Shoenburg today, and I'm rushing a little bit because I was supposed to meet this guys Evan who is looking to sell my a cumbus (it's a turkish banjo.. I like the name ;-)... and I'm running a bit late to meet him because I had to grab something to eat to delay my death from starvation. So, there's this corner you turn to go towards the entry to Shoenburg, and it has been just newly landscape with grass. In order to keep the new grass nice, they roped the corner off so that people like me don't run their dirty feet all over it. Well, most people give in to the trick, let Facilities control their path of travel; I however, uh... don't.. which will result in hilarity -- as usual.

But hark! I see that the rope is layed upon the ground, having lost its tautness to the poles. So it's on the ground and I think Great! I can just cut this corner! Super! And I step over it, but just before I do I think This is going to end poorly And THAT my friends, is how to jynx yourself. I always do it! Gah! Yeah, so as I stepped over it a gust of wind blew; I tried to lift my foot higher, but it snagged, and ok.... I totally eat it on the grass. My glass go flying off my head! But the salad, the salad I had put so much rigorous effort into constructing -- it was ok. People laughed at me.

I swear to God, I'm not sure how I survive the embarrassment of being me.

All for the goddamn cumbus, which I wasn't able to pick up yet.

haha. cumbus. Oh, grow up Susanne.

MLK

Today, I can say that my life changed for the better.

Opera Makes Me Happy

Relax. Breathe.
Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed. I'll be ok. It's going away now. Opera helps. That's "Opera," NOT "Oprah." Very different in that one is beautiful and the other is well, not...

I need to get myself some more opera. I have a little bit. Not enough. I think it's just spectacular. I'm always so wary about purchasing though. I don't know why I'm so cautious when it comes to buying opera; I'm not like that with any other genre of music. Hmmm... I really need to go see an opera. I would love to go to the Walt Disney Concert Hall. That would be an amazing first experience. Or the Met, though Disney seems a little more accessible. I just want my first time to be the best it could ever be. Hey! I heard my name in the opera..." Susana!" Haha.

Okra also reminds me of Opera. Delicious.

Had a lot of fun at work yesterday night. Easy night. It was efficient at first.... then the night slowly degressed into me and Christ (haha.. I love typos..."Chris") hanging out by the Sunset Tennis Courts. Chill. Always have a good night on Tuesdays. What, with Adarsh, Chelsea and Christ (haha)... Chris, how could one not? (Is that typo telling me something?) I must admit that it raised my day rating from a 5/10 to an 8/10. Pretty good for a day at work. How many people can say that work makes them a happier person? Maybe just the group of us.

Anyways, enough for today. Going to chill before having class at 3pm. Man, I could go for some pancakes.

*sigh*

This is going to be a very unfortunate day.

Please Don't Break Me

It's going to be a long week. I must have mentioned this before. So so much to do. It'll be ok. I'll have a long night tonight after work, but I'll get things done. I just don't feel like I have time for anything. In the last few days, I've felt like such a fatso, just gross from not moving around enough. So I went to the gym today even though I probably didn't have time for it. I need to make sure I take care of myself -- both physically and mentally. I don't know how some people do it. I shouldn't have wasted my Sunday so much. I got up way to late and really wasn't in the mood to do any work; only wanted to hang out with people and chill. I think that's the key to success right there: no wasting of Sundays. To be able to do 12 hours of work in a day. *sigh* a pathetic attempt shall be made this week.

I'm reading a book too -- for pleasure; something else I shouldn't be doing but miss too much to let go of. So far, it's good. It better be satisfying if I'm giving it a chunk of my life.

The Day

Lennie and George. That's who they were.

Wonderful. Just Wonderful. How can one not be happy to be alive?

It's beautiful.

Give me a rock to climb.

Loch "Fucking Awesome" Lomond

Today is going to be a long week. Yes. You read that correctly. Oh goodness.

So many tests (2!)don't think that's a (21). It's a (2) with a (!). Wow. (21) tests would suck balls. And then a test on Monday too, which I'm terrifed for. I guess I just have to sit down and memorize and not bitch, and not stress... just do it. Goddamn my rational approach to school!

At least the weather isn't shitty. Oh man, it is so nice. I wish I could just go to Sunset Rec and chill on the grass and watch the little kids play in the pool. Simple pleasures. Even though a lot of school things are happening this week, I feel like in other aspects of life (wait! what? You have a life outside of academics?!).. oh yes... things are going to be fun; I'll have work--which is entertaining (when I'm with my friends at least), I'll have the kids from Ujima Village coming to UCLA to attend the MLK Oratorical contest... hmmm, what else? Oh! Emilio is moving back up this week, so it'll be nice to have some different company once in awhile (probably meaning once this quarter because I'm so busy)... let's see, let's see.... uh. Learning "Nashville Blues." That's a fun tune. I'm thinking it might be the one I play at Topanga in May.

Oh yes. yes indeed. Come watch me make a fool of myself on May 21st when I enter my first bluegrass festival. I'm going to enter as a beginner. Haha. I can just see me alongside all of those 8 year olds... getting my ass kicked... oh god. I really need to do it though, it's good to get yourself out there and start getting comfortable performing in front of crowds. Anyways, I'm sure Tom will help me out with any tune I pick. He said he'd play guitar accompaniment for me too, which would be nice because it'll keep me in time when I'm nervous.... or maybe it'll just make it more obvious and embarrassing.... hmmm, I should probably think this through before I consider it any further.

I rediscovered "Chanticleer" last night with "Loch Lomond." Sooo good; I've been listening to the 3 songs of theirs that I have on my iPod all day. I'm going to have to ask Ryan which of their CDs I should get first. I've listened to a couple of them, but I only remember one of them. And also, I think I'm going to try to get him to just burn me a copy of his music -- because I'm cheap like that.

Well, going to go pick banjo for a bit. Keeps me sane. I'll probably go on my usual Monday night walk tonight, though I do have a test tomorrow. *sigh* A hort walk it shall be then.

**********
The wee birdies sing and the wild flowers spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping:
But the broken heart, it kens nae second spring again,
Tho’ the waefu’ may cease from their greeting.

I'm A Horrible Person

I would like to start this off with the comment that I had just completed about half of an entire entry, but deleted it due to the fact that I didn't think it was the best idea for me to post it. And now I'm considering deleting this, and then writing that I had written a comment about deleting a previously written entry -- but that would just be silly. I am a silly person though. That is true.

Anyways, after talking with Dianne today, the conclusion was drawn that I am a horrible person. "But," you say, "Susanne, how can you be a horrible person? You are so nice! You make me breakfast... oh, wait. Yeah, about that -- you still owe me. Geez, you are horrible," and now I have no reason to continue this because at this point you** now think that I am horrible, and it's not like I'm going to try to convince you otherwise.

The thing is, *sigh*. Yeah.

Let's end this conversation now.

I'm really not horrible. At least I hope not. I think I just do things that I don't mean to; or rather, mean to do, but see an end result differing from that which the receiver tends to. Oh well, things tend to work out for the best.

This is going to be a very long week. I have so very much to do and it's going to be the death of me.

ahh, you sing it Johnny. Shit man, that's some good music.

I can't wait to go to work. No school, just walking around. Talking. That's pretty nice.

**I would like add a few footnotes to the part about being a horrible person: First: The pancake thing -- one of many, not the only reason. Second: In saying "you" I mean "the world," not necessarily the person to which the pancake incident of 2005-2006 applies to. Lastly: uh, I think that's it.**

Inspiration Perspiration

Must kill time while Dianne is in the shower. Hmmm, I suppose there are more valuable things I could be doing during this time than writing here, but oh well.... anything else just wouldn't feel right.

So the hike was today. Nice, nice. Everyone had a good time, and that's really all that matters. Although, I must admit that the treck up to "Inspiration Point," although nice, lacked the ability to inspire me anymore than to eat some gummy bears (making the conscious decision to select the white ones over all other -- dude, those are the best).

It was a nice, chill day at work -- as usual. We went to the top of Covel, looking down at Sunset Village. It was neat to be in a "sniper position" (as so aptly described by someone other than myself) in which you can see everyone within a fairly close proximity without being seen. We just stood there for a while. Everytime I go some creepy random place away from crowds, I always expect to see some sort of paranormal activity (ghost, orb... uh.... more orbs?). Some places on campus have to be haunted. A lot of shit has gone down. People have been murdered, committed suicide... crazy shit. Hmm... maybe it's because I expect things too much. Anyways, I think the roofs of buildings are inspiring. I'm not sure how, but the view is nice. Why is that a beautiful view is so ofthen corrolated with inspiration? I'm more inspired by the small things. Those are where my best invention ideas come from.

i'm extremely tired right now. Must... get more than.... 6 hours.... of sleep.... *sigh* and it's only week 2. So sad. Cry for me.

Metaphorical Hunger In The Morning

Well, it's the next morning... doing my laundry. I just remember that I forgot to add the "methaphorical" haha. meth. That's pretty excellent. I'm going to have to remember that for future pun formulation. METaphorical is what I meant. Ok, so what is it that I'm so "hungry" for?

A path. Validation. A new home. The same home. The truth. My own truth. The future. Um... the past not so much. The power to not ... show it in my eyes? And... x-ray vision while we're at it. Or man... mind reading. Yeah. That's the shit.

I really just want to be able to enjoy the present -- which I would like to think I'm doing already.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. It's all making me quite nervous.

Them There Were Pan-Cake

"Hungry." I think that's a word well suited to describe this day.... and I guess I'll somehow connect it to a metaphorical meaning too.

I had a lot of class today, and didn't have time to grab a breakfast or a lunch at the time I was starving. I was able to squeeze in an Odwalla Juice and a salad in there. Then dinner too, I didn't have time to eat. Just a small bowl of soup before I had to run to work, I was so starved after work. That's why.... through Chri-nspiration I went to Izzy's on Wilshire and 14th. So good. Blueberry pancakes as the clock struck midnight -- wonderful. Corner window booth -- wonderful. I felt so gluttonous, but it was so spectacular. No, really.. it was so good. The fact that they served breakfast all day, and are open 24 horus a day, and that their pancakes are GOOD (I mean REALLY GOOD).... that's one-of-a-kind right there.

Man, it's so cold. I can't believe I have to do laundry tomorrow morning. *sigh*

Those were a lot of freakin' pancakes.

Tired now. I'll write more of my disasterous program tomorrow. *sigh* ORL has me by the balls tonight.

Ungathered Thoughts, From What I Gather

I'm very tired today, although I must admit it was a fun day despite all of the class/work I had to do. I suppose it was fun because everything just went so smoothly. Everything went just lovely. I suppose the weather could have been better, but that's a battle I'd rather not choose to fight.

Mmmm. There's a lot on my mind. I prefer that way. Gives me things to think about during lectures and walks.

Sometimes it's difficult.

Thursdays are not my favourite of days because I'm forced to wear shoes all day.

Dianne bought a 3 lb. bag of gummy bears when we went to Ralphs. It's amazing.

I swear to God, I'm gogin to start running again. *sigh* I left my shorts at home. I really should get a new pair. The old ones were getting a little grungy from all of the trail running/sitting I did. Hey, rocks are dirty and corrosive on the shorts. This week is not going to end for me -- I'm fairly certain that I have become trapped in a continue "Ground-Dog Day" -- esque universe, in which my life is the continual repitition of the same events over and over again.

My computer had 653 MB left ont he hard drive. That can't be good. Hooray for CD info transfer! And now I'm putting Johnny Cash's "American IV" on it. And so far, it's pretty wonderful.

I really want to feel like I'm home. Not necessarily in San Diego... just some place that feels like I should be there. This room ain't cutting it for me. When I get my own place I'm gogin to have a party where people can get so shit-faced. Ahh... It feels odd having my "home" here at UCLA be this 5ft x 5ft corner of this room. Even then, it's been completely overtaken by random papers and books. I want a place so that I can invite people over. I'm not really sure how to explain it. This is a nice CD to listen to. Thanks. Cash's lyrics are just so good. The way he tells a story. No matter how hard I try to write good lyrics (that are stupid or disney-like) I can't do it. Perhaps it's just something best to be left up to those you can do a good job.

*This portion has been deleted due to a "GB" incident that occured. Please excuse the distruption.*

That's how I'm feeling right now. I just don't dream like I used to. Now it barely ever happens. Dreams are what make the night interesting when I'm alone. What about all those dreams about being eaten my dinosaurs in Target? Or robots? Yeah, I dream about robots. Bitch. My dreams rock.

Nova Scotia

So, I've got to thinking about where I want to live in my life. Generally. All I know is that I really want to be able to get a summer home in Nova Scotia one day. Man, I love it there. I really need to go back. It's just so beautiful there. Dream home: a nice little cottage in Peggy's Cove, which isn't all that far from where I used to live. It's so quaint. I wouldn't want to live there all year (especially in the winter), but to be able to go there whenever I wanted to is this deep fantasy of mine. Sorry, I should have more interesting fantasies. These are some pictures of Peggy's Cove. Just imagine a little blonde 7 year old running around:









This is the campground my family would go to at least once a year. I love canoeing. It's called Kejimkujik. That has to be the best name ever.





This is actually Cape Breton; we camped there as well:



And then this is the downtown of where I lived, including the Public Gardens (where they have the best pidgeons ever).









Yeah. That really was an excessive amount of pictures. So unnecessary. But seriously. I totally am going to do this one day. There's something really unique about the Atlantic. Anyways, I'm NEVER living in the Midwest. Ever. I need ocean to live.

Work-shit

I was so tired today; I had started my shit way too late last night. No more! Last night, I made a two-item list of the things I had to bring to school because they were due: my Lab and then a worksheet. So this morning, I look at the list and think...
Lab. Check
Worksheet. Check

Yeah. I don't know why I lied to myself about the latter. I had to come all the way back up the hill after my first class. *sigh* good Tuesday so far, eh?

I went to Ujima Village today -- so much fun! I can't wait until I go again. The kids are so funny; I like Little D. He's pretty cool. We made collages that dealt with themes surrounding Martin Luther King Jr. Day that are going to be displayed at the MLK Oratorical Contest. I'm sorry, but mine turned out to be the best that I saw there. Those 4-14 year olds ain't got nothing on me.

We played "Hangman" too. Damn those kids are aggresive. It's funny to watch, but kind of sad too. But mostly funny. They're so sharp when it comes to insulting each other.

I was so exhausted though when we came back. Shit, it's all the way down in Watts -- that's damn far away. When I got back to my room, I just collapsed on my bed I was so exhausted. You know the feeling when you're really hungry, have to go to the bathroom really bad, and are just dead tired? And you just don't know which you should take care of first? Yeah. That was me. I hate being too tired to perform life-sustaining bodily functions. I gave in when the pain in my kidneys started keeping me from falling asleep.

And now I have work in 1.5 hours. And I long draw out (though sincere) "hooray" I sigh. Not enough minutes.

Margaritas Led Me To ORL Pleasure

Today was quite possibly the most unproductive day of the quarter thus far. Ok, so a week into it I should deserve some sort of break. Margarita Monday... oh yes. That was a nice time. I went to my ORL Assembly Meeting just a little happier than usual, but it just seemed like I was my regular olde self to everyone. It was way more fun than usual for me. I have caramel on my computer, just underneath where my right hand rests. It's pretty gross. Ok. I successful attempt was made to remove it, and now... wait. Ok, good enough.

I still have a little bit of work to do. Pretty much just the one thing I kept thinking about doing all day but could never focus hard enough to do it. I know how, it's really not difficult. Now it shall be done... after all of this.

Why does it feel like everyone around me knows way more biology than they should? I feel so left behine (come on Bush, help me out here!). I was reviewing an LS2 worksheet with a guy on my floor, and he fucking knew way more than we've learned so far in the class, and he said he hadn't even touched the book. I'm hoping that he took AP Biology in highschool. Even then..... should regular people know that much about protein denaturation and synthesis? I most certainly hope not. I need to at least feel special after taking this class.

Holoprosencephaly Is SO COOL

So, did you hear about the one-eyed cat that was born in Portland Oregon? Here it is:



It was verified by the Associated Press last week with a condition known as Holoprosencephaly. That's pretty darn excellent. Too bad it didn't survive.

When I get my own place, next year, I'm going to get a cat. I'm fairly certian of that. Or a snake. Yeah. Small one.

Maybe a one-eyed snake. But then it would have to be a big snake.

*sigh* I really should be doing work right now. Focus Susanne!

Clip This to My Heart

I'm really upset: my only hairclip broke. I'm not a superficial girl, but I really am sad. When I heard it snap, my heart sank just a little bit. :-(

sadness ensues.

"No Trucks"

Well, it looks as though I've finally decided on a housing option for next year... I'm applying for my own place next year. Just me. Sad. It'll be fine. It really has to be this way, because I don't want my friends (whom I hope to live with next year) to back out and leave me hanging. Lilly is applying to be an RA (and will most certainly get it) and considering she's really the only person I know who I would ever move in with next year, I really shouldn't rely on moving in with her as the first option. But you know, it'll be nice: my own little pad. I'm hoping to get a place through University Apartments that is just a room with a kitchen. I just want to be able to cook.... oh I'm most certainly setting my expectations for myself much higher than I should be. I'll probably end up starving to death. But hey, it'll give people more ideas for Christmas/Birthday gifts: cookbooks, uh... pots I guess. Mmm...yeah. Spatula?

I just came back from Westwood, and I was walking along strathmore.... and saw the following:



Pretty ridiculous, huh? I especially like the signs that state "NO TRUCKS." Maybe someone at the time had been covering up the "NO" as a practical joke. Haha. Must make note of that for future shananigan (I can't believe Dianne could spell that word. That is amazing. My guess would have be "shenadigan" or "shinadegin." Wow. I am impressed with her... and embarassed with myself.

Here are some more pics:






The LAFD had tried to pull the truck all of the way through, but that didn't work when the truck wouldn't pass (and probably got stuck more), so they then tried to pull it out in reverse. It was interesting to watch. Haha. Hope the guy driving it choose to pay the extra $50 for the insurance. That's pretty funny. As long as no onw gets hurt, it's funny. Even when someone does get hurt, it's still funny, but only looking back on it when knowing that they're going to be ok.

It's so damn cold here. Jesus H. Christ. Where am I? Fucking Ohio or something? Nova Scotia? Shit man, that's behind me. Give me San Diego weather over it anytime, especially when I don't dress warmly enough (this is the first year at UCLA that I've been wearing pants. Last year, only mini-skirts). I like the cold, but when I'm in it, I'm wearing all of my snow gear. Hear, I can only do so much.

Yesterday night while on shift, Chris, Eric, Hector and I went to Starbucks and we saw the LAPD arresting this one transient who always hangs out there. So we're walking by and this guy, a real jerk, is taking pictures of him being cuffed. You know, you'd think people would have more respect. It's not like the transient was this famous criminal -- it doesn't need to be documented by your stupid cameraphone. I've walked by that guy a lot. He doesn't do anything. Just sits there, asks for some change sometimes. My only qualm is that he takes that bench all to himself. I could see it being a pleasant place to sit. Even then, that's not a really qualm. (Ok... no tangents here. Focus.) So Eric tells the jerk to put away him camera and says that what he's doing isn't cool... and the fucker gives him a hard time... you know, the olde "what are you going to do? I can do what I want? You can't touch me" routine. I hate people like that. I try and convince myself that they aren't going to succeed in life, at least in the long term. They can make all of this money, but at some point that attitude and rudeness will just catch up with you. *shrug* I don't know. Hopefully they'll go to Hell. At least for a second. Do some time.

Dude. I can't wait for the time when someone gives me a hard time. I will kick their ass. I'm really just waiting for it. haha. Wouldn't that be a funny scene? Wow. I would have to be so stupid. He'll have to be smaller than me, and younger than me. I have balls, but shit, they ain't THAT huge. I just like suprising people when they see that I don't take any shit or bull-shit lies told to me. Good times.

Had pancakes this morning. Strawberry/Blueberry. De-Li-Cious.

13 Hours of Love

Today was a pretty good day. Started it off nice by watching a hockey game: Colorado vs. Philadelphia. It was ok. Colorado won (yay! They're one of the teams I like to follow). The game wasn't all that interesting, but it was the first game I had seen in ages because NBC is only just beginning to broadcast once in a while, and UCLA housing does not want to give me the Outdoor Life Network. Boo on them.

I worked for 12 hours today. That's pretty amazing. 1300-0200 hours, with a 1 hr break between shifts. It was pretty excellent. I could not have spent this Saturday in a way any better. Although the Kinross shift was pretty harsh. Sit there, behind that desk for 6 hours and see a total of 20 different people. And I feel like my brain has tilted slightly to the right... interesting. I feel like my whole room is about to fall over to the right. I must need sleep or something.... maybe.

I love it when my brain feels weird. It makes life a little more interesting. I'm not sure how good it is for me, but oh well, it's just like riding a rollercoaster that keeps making circles in one direction.

I can't believe I'm going to wake up to go for breakfast tomorrow with the CSOs at 9am. ri-donk. And Chris, I swear to God, don't give me any of that "but I have work until 3am.. whah whah whah." No, I kid. No, I really don't actually. BE THERE.....


:-)

i'm all smiles tonight.

Chillin' Like a Villian... at the Station... How Ironic

I'm at the Police Station right now. Chillin'. I just performed my rap. While Adarsh and Ann go get food for themselves, I'm here toiling away... sitting mostly. I hate being bottom 10 because I just got scheduled the crappiest shifts ever. Matt has me working BOTH Friday AND Saturday nights. WTF. Does he want me to never do anything? I'm goign to talk to him about it because I was going to probably pick Saturday Reshall shifts up almost every week anyways, but I just don't want it as a permanent staple on my shedule. Oh well. I think I'll battle the Friday NightPowell first. I really hate Powell. I hate everything about it. Grr....

Shit. I really love this. Maybe I should be a police officer if the whole Paramedic/Othopaedic Surgeon thing doesn't work out. Hell, I'd do it. The only thing is I think that my radio traffic is the biggest mess. The thing is, I slur everything together, especially "s"... just my luck that I'm CSO 66. Shit... "CSO Thlix Thlix to contrlol"... That's seriously how it is sometimes. Or "YRL" becomes "YllllrRlllL" "l"s just find themselves in my speach over the radio.

I'm happy this school week is finally over. It was pretty draining. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle it for the next 9 weeks. 5 classes is probably a bit much, especially with 2 jobs that total about 25 hours of work a week. I love it though. Everything is tying in together so well. I really feel like I've got things figured out... or maybe I've just convinced myself that I have. Either way, I don't mind... I'll take any reassurence I can, whether or not it's blind.

I lern ter spel

man. My typing/spelling is pretty bad. I should proofread before I post.

The Natives Are Restless Tonight

ok. what day is it? Ah yes. Thursday. I really didn't know for a moment. Today was really busy. Lots and lots of class, study, class, work, meeting (longest 1.5 hours of my life... I hate you UCLAlumni Center....). But now, finally, and can sit and i'm making a choice right now not to study. My brain is fried after today.

Songs.... so I'm listening to "The Natives Are Restless Tonight" -- a Horace Silver tune. Fits my current mood. Maybe I'll go for a walk. Put on my jacket, and just walk for awhile. I've realized this year that I need to give myself more time to enjoy what I love.

I've been picking up my banjo again, thank god. I needed that. I'm working on a new tune. It's coming slowly, as usually.

.....And I wrote the above about 3 hours ago, completely forgetting about it. That's pretty amazing.

Yeah, so I went for a walk today. Always nice. I rediscovered an album on my iPod while one it. Though i rediscovered it, I never really realized it was there, although I know for sur eI must have listened to it over the last year. Bill Frisell is the shit man. Him. Dave Holland Quintet. Together. What more do I need on a night walk? Maybe and iced-tea. I do enjoy iced-tea.

I'm really restless tonight. I want to be out some more. The walk helped, but I really just want to go some place where I can run around. Run run run. JUMP!

And A Delicious Apple It Was...

I'm sitting at my desk right now, and I'm really struggling to find something to say, or rather, to find a way to say anything. It's not that things aren't on my mind, or that nothing happened to me today... I just can't get the damn ball rolling.

I was going to write, "and now I'm going to get my knife and cut this apple and eat it," but Ican't find the knife. Damn it. I really want this apple. Found it! Backpack. Always carry it with me.

Damn this is a good apple.

I've been eating a ridiculous amount of vegetables ever since I got back. I completely forgot how excellent they are. Back home, Roberto's isn't really veggie heavy (although there is lettuce on top of my chimichanga, and no... avacado is not a vegetable), so I guess my body is dying for actual nutrition. I wish I could eat more fruit. I just don't like any of it here except for the apples from Bruin Cafe. I think I'm going to go to the Farmer's Market tomorrow... yum. Free fruit. Ok, not all of it. I can get something when I'm there though -- come on, I'm cute... well, cute enough, but that's all that really matters.

I should probably go read now. Cells. Cool!

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Tally to Rally

I had my LS2 for the first time today. And of course, I get stuck with the two people who, well... *sigh*, I'm not going to even say. The girl is ok, but the guy... shit.

We had to "analyze the birth weight" (meaning: pull randomnly labeled wood chips out of a bucket) of a controled and experimental population (ours lived by a nuclear power plant). Yeah, so we had to take these random weights and tally them up next to a label on a chart, 100 times. So the guy started doing this before me for the experimental, and a few minutes later I started for the experimental. He had no method really. He wasn't keeping track and GAH! ok ok. So he always counting and recounting his tallies in the most inefficient way possible, and omg I'll stop talking about this because no one has any idea what is going on, and God I hate it when I'm sitting there for 3 minutes watching him struggle to count up talley marks, and doing it this weird way that doesn't make sense..... it was so annoying. I just stared blankly at him the whole time thinking this is going to be a long quarter. And in the end, he didn't even count it right. He had 110, and I called him on it. yes. I called him on it. Right when he was done I told him it was wrong. I am such a bitch. God-DAMN. I kicked his ass at Tallying.

Really?

I really love school.
I really hate my shedule.
I really love being a CSO.
I really hate the textbook store.
I really really missed all of this.

Body Imagining

So today was my first day of completes submergence into the treacherous waters of ORL. It was a good time I suppose. Made a few clever comments, was pretty proud of myself. As usual. Clever clever clever. Too bad I can't' be very clever in my writing. I think I spell to poorly, so I'm always trying to correct my typos, leaving me with little time to maintain spontaneous.

We went to this Body Image presentation today. It was actually fairly interesting. It dealt mostly with the ongoing influence that the advertising industry has on the societel and personal perspective of body perfection and gender roles. I always find it really fascinating, especially having seen first hand my friends go through eating disorders, along with having gone through one myself. I really stopped caring about myself, and more about how other people viewed me. Their opinions (or rather the opinions I thought they had) came to hold more value than my actual self.

I think it started mostly when I made some girlfriends. All my life I've had a core group of friends comprised mainly of guys, because well.... girls are stupid. Ok, ok, not really (well..) but when I was younger I was raised to seek adventure, get dirty, play tough, and none of the girls really wanted to do that. The only time I played with girls when I was younger was with my neighbors (cause, well, they're your neighbors, and that's just what you do with neighbors), and when there was the Connect-Four Tournament at my Rec Center (which I won. I'm not kidding). I think girls completely dissipated my sense of self, because being like them was something you tried to achieve when you're making new friends in a new country. I think the main problem though was the fact that I had surrounded myself with people of such low self-esteem whose only comfort was dragging you down with them.

Now I have the coolest friends ever, and because of them, I got my confidence back. And really, that's all that matters to me. I don't care what other people think about me. I'm a nice person, and I say what I want to. Pretty much all of my friends are guys now (with a few exceptions), and all of the good guys out there really just like girls with confidence. I'll agree that confidence is by far one of the sexiest attributes any person can have. It definitely makes you look about 4.3 times hotter than you really are. And maybe nice tits. Yeah. They don't have to be big...just nice.

I think I'm pretty cute, and that's all that matters. Oh, and I have a good mind too, I guess. Haha. I can't believe I forgot my running shorts at home. Stupid stupid stupid. Oh well, I uh, guess I'll just have to go without them.

"i" before "e" except after "c" SUSANNE. GODAMN IT! Why don't I get this?!

You know, two years ago I had a summer job in which I body-painted hot models. I have some pictures on a CD at home. It was pretty awesome. They were pretty naked. Meaning naked. Haha. That was so much fun. $10/hour.

Zankou Very Much

Back at UCLA now. Hooray. yeah. Mmmm....

I had my first dose of "mandatory fun" today via ORL. It was just Team dinner. It was fun seeing Dianne, Lilly, and Jordan again. Good laughs. I thoroughly enjoyed my cheesecake sculpture.

It's taken me so long to clean my shit in my room. Smearing my own feces all over everything doesn't help. Ok, I'm not serious. Or am I?! Mwahahaha! Ok, no I'm not really serious. I don't want you think I do that.

I'm meetin up with Mike Gao tonight for some In-N-Out. Eww... I defintely will not be eating, since I went to Zankou earlier today for lunch. Ugh, still so full. Zankou is always such a gluttonous decision. I always get the full chicken tarna plate.... so much.... food. So delicious. I never feel it until about an hour later, during which my brain turns into "Susanne why do you do this to yourself, I will convince you to kill yourself" mode. Well worth it I would say.

I need to start running again.

I'll Wrangle YOUR Snake Anytime Mister

Last night, I dreamt about really large snakes. Have you ever watched National Geographic-esque shows on anacondas, where the field people are walking through the marshy waters unti lthey run into a snake, literally? Yeah, that's kind of how the dream was, except the snake was a real fatty.

I also dreamt about something else. I just rememeber that I was sitting with two guys and they had tons of playing cards, but their playing cards were for particular songs from bands. I remember looking at them and thinking all of their bands sucked cock.

There was also a Looney Tunes trading card. Do you remember those? I still have a few (*ahem* in mint condition if I must brag.... which I must). They came in cereal boxes. What happened to toys in cereal boxes? Now I'm all pissed off.

Guess Who?

Leaving for UCLA tomorrow. Yup. Back to school. When is it all going to end!? Winter break has been such a good time that it's difficult to let go of it. See, Summer Break just tends to drag on, especially after everyone else leaves and I'm just stuck here -- alone. :-(

I guess it's time to go back, and make that good olde attempt to spend less thatn the projected $871 on textbooks/lab books for this quarter. Oh, and spend as little time associating myself with the Office of Residential Life as possible. What a joke. Just a bunch of people working together sucking up for the sake of free housing and meal plan; well, I'm above all that and refuse to take any part in the extreme brown-nosing that occurs (to the dismay of my mother, who still, even upon knowing how much I hate working for ORL, still brings up the fact that I could be an RA next year with a "So... explain this to me again -- I just want to clear this up.... what do you get when you're an RA? Oh! Free housing? Really? That's nice. I'm sure it's not too much work. Once you get it, do you really have to do anything? Oh, you do. Well, you could just not do it." *sigh* oh mom. I love you.

I went to La Jolla today to look for a gift for Dianne, because I still hadn't gotten her anything for Christmas, aka I'm a horrible person. Especially because I pretty much kept buying things for myself. Well, I tried, ok?! I ended up finding something, and that's all that matters. Plus, the things I bought were non-expendible products, so there. Do you WANT my iPod to get scratched without a case? Do you WANT my neck to be un-necklaced? Hmm... what else.... I bought a sandwhiche too. That's expendible, but delicious. It was really good.

Anyways, La Jolla was beautiful. It's by far one of my favourite places in San Diego (along with PB, which I also went to in the morning). I should have brought my camera because the waves were huge and plus.... I discovered a secret trail. Ok, "secret" meaning "I never noticed it before in the million times I've walked by it." But Hell, cool none-the-less. It takes you to a part of the cove I've never seen before. I didn't walk all the way because I could see people making-out, and it would have been ackward. Instead I petted a random orange-striped cat I saw along the trail.

Speaking of cats, I've noticed that cats tend to like me more so that other animals do. On multiple occasions I have had stray cats follow me places. When I was in 7th grade I took the bus to school and in the morning there would be this cat waiting along the sidewalk where I started my trek to the bus-stop, and it would hang out with me until the bus came. And then, it would be there when I got back. I never gave it any food or anything; it just did so out of its own will. Then one day I say a crazy lady holding the cat. I had never seen her before and she told me she was going to take it home to keep. I wonder if it's still alive. Hopefully she didn't eat it or anything. She looked pretty crazy.

I want a cat of my own. Or a snake. I really want both. A small snake though. Not too small. Lieka a baby ball python. My dad and I almost bought one at the pet store once, but then changed our minds realizing that my mom would not like a 5-6ft long snake in the house in a few years. Shucks.

I guess I could see that being kind of scary. I guess.

I am the "Guess Who?" Grand Master Champion.

Sweet.

Love of a Mammoth Proportion

I'm back from Mammoth. Wow. It was so much fun. I ended up getting 3 days of boarding in out of the 5 that we were there for, which is pretty good considering how shitty the weather was for a few of those days. The two days that we didn't board were due in part to (1) closure of the mountain, and (2) digging three cars out from underneath 60 inches of snow, and putting chains on one of them to get it the fuck back to San Diego.

But oh, the snow was so nice yesterday. We were actually supposed to leave yesterday, but when we woke up, Eric, Scott and I saw that blue sky out the window and just couldn't convince ourselves to leave. The powder was so nice, but so deep. You go off of the trail and you just land yourself waist-deep in soft powder. I got so stuff a few times. The last time I seriously thought I was going to die; that Iwas jsut goign to dig myself into a deeper hole, and that my body was going to be blow over with snow by the hurricane winds, and that nobody was going to find me until spring. I guess that thought motivated me enough to save my own life.

The whole trip was a blast though. We all agreed (Meaning everyone minus Ryan & Sara) that Ryan & Sara are probably completely sick of us and don't want to go on anymore trips with us -- especially after New Year's Eve --- which was a BLAST. "Taboo" = so much fun. "King's Cup" = so much more fun than "Taboo" which is so hard to believe because "Taboo" is so awesome.

I'll definitely post some pics when I feel motivated enough to plug my camera into my computer. But who knows when that will be.

I'm so excited for the last few days of San Diego life before SmelLA. I do miss Mammoth already though. Oh the mountains looked so wonderful. There's this one point along the 395 south of Mammoth where you turn this bend, and you see those golden mountains in front of you , and I can't help but be awestruck, and I always find myself uttering whispered "wow" by means of an involutary reflex of emoting. Every time I leave I can't wait to get back. I can't wait until I go backpacking. I want to go right now but oh, such a bad idea. I need to find a place to go over spring break, because my break is seeming pretty empty right now. I'm not sure if anybody wants to plan stuff already. All I know for sure is I need to get myself back into those mountains.

And the water there is so damn good. Damn.