3-Dimensionality is Nifty

This morning I went to the California Science Center to go see a 3D Imax film. Shit. So excellent. I don't know if you've ever been to one before, but seeing in 3 dimensions is the shit. Well, I guess we do it all of the time, but it's something special when it's coming from a screen in front of you. It was as thought I was really in Africa on safari. I can't wait to see the Sea Life one when it comes out. They also have a Spacewalk film out, but I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice 1.5 hours of my life listeing to Tom Hanks. That guys has so many freaking voice-over deals from Apollo 13, it's crazy.

The tagline for the Spacewalk film was, "Only 12 people have been on the moon; you be the next." That's really quite crazy to think about. Can you imagine being one of 12 people to do anything? It blows my mind to imagine what it would be like to actually be one of those 12 people, and thinking everytime when I looked up at the moon, that I had been there, and that it was something that so few people had and would ever experience. Wow. I could die on the moon and people happy. I wouldn't mind going that way. Just to look back and see the Earth and suddenly realize how small we are. Fuck. I want to go to the moon so bad. I'm getting into that mode when I start thinking about something realistically unattainable, and strat getting upset that it is that way. It happens when I think about being a princess or having magical powers... ooorrr... whoa, I've never even thought about this: a princess with magical powers. Sick!

Bed. Dreams. Music. Thoughts.

Please let me dream of space.

Speaking of space, I should really clean my desk.

It would really suck to see in 2D. Mmmm... I wish I was a chameleon. Or maybe not, but more like having the ability to see like one. Well, actually that doesn't appeal to me so much. I guess I just want the chameleonization ability. That's not a word. Camoflauge. Yeah. I don't know why I talked about their eyes.

Same As Text

Apprehension.
I got a phone call today that made me happy.

The Awakening

This morning when I woke up I was the happiest person in the world.
Forever is going to be so wonderful.

I really couldn't stop smiling today.

The previous night I awoke to a realization.

Fun Fact: Music is Good

Hey:
Did you know music was this good? damn. I love music. My late-night music tends to be a bit more subdued, especially when I'm sick, so I'm listening to The Guitar Trio's "Passion, Grace & Fire." I can't get over how good classical guitar is. I think I appreciate it so much because I like the fact that I can give some emo guitar playing kid a classical guitar CD and say, "Playing the same minor chord progression over and over again will always make you suck. You will never be this good. HAHAHAHA!" And then maybe smash his glasses.

This night is almost over. Well, not really. I kind of still have a prelab, and about half of a post-lab to do. Eh.

I was thinking today that I would make a good calligrapher. Except for my complete carelessness in spelling and typos. I enjoy penning things out by hand. To see something all written out -- so neatly, organized, no blemishes -- so nice. That must be one of my favourite simple pleasures. Godamn by addiction to stationary and the beauty of the hand-written note.

And as much as I bitch (to myself) about the need to write by hand as often as I do (or now... perhaps "extensively" rather that "often" should be the more applicable term), due to the impersonalness (? That can't be a word... impersonality?) of email, etc.... *sigh* I do check my email about.. let's say... 15 times a day? Haha. And.. that might be a n understatement to maintain my own dignity. Ok, I get a lot of emails actually.

I won a $10 gift certifcate to CA Pizza Kitchen at a raffle today. The event that the raffle was at was 2 hours long, but I came for the last 2 minutes, entered the raffle, and won something. I feel pretty proud of myself. The last and only other time I won something during a raffle was in 6th grade when we had to sell these $7 rolls of wrapping paper, and you got one ticket for every roll you sold. My parents bitterly bought one roll out of pity... slash I cried enough... and I ended up winning Twister. Although see, Twister seems much more enjoyable; at least now that I'm a little older and can appreciate its complete functionality during times of ... mal-decision. Hooray! CPK though -- delicious, but what I can I do with $10? That's not even a whole pizza.

Need to get back to work. I should sleep at some point in life.

Truly.

Fuck YOU Cheesecake Factory

Fuck.

I can't believe how sick I am.
Ugh.
This is bad.

*sigh* I didn't even want to go there. It punished me for denying how "good" it is.

Really now. Cheesecake Factory is truly over-rated. It's not that good, especially for how much they charge there.

Oof. Fuck. I haven't experienced food poisoning for so long. 6th grade ice-skating trip: Panda Express fried rice. Wow. How do I remember that? I should really be allocating such parts of my brain towards, let's say.... cell communication? That would be useful.

But really, this weekend has officially sucked ass.
Saturday: Pain, vomit (actually it was rather amazing. I have no idea where all of it could have possibly come from). Falling asleep on cold, hard, bathroom floor.
Sunday: Wake up at 11:30am Extreme pain (mostly from falling asleep on bathroom floor)... can't move body... try to eat = bad idea... sleep from 1230 to 1730. Wake up to get ready for the shift I promised Justin I would cover. Go to station. Find Justin there (I am so confused). Discover that I am covering his shift, but he's covering Megan's shift which is the same as mine (but his), but I don't understand because it would make more sense for me to cover hers and him to do his own. Odd. Sleep at 1am.
Monday: Awake at 12noon. Try to eat something = bad idea. Sleep until 2pm. Get sick. Sleep another hour. Try to do hw, but am too photosensitive to get anything done in the light. Go to dinner, eat only dry rice krispies = bad idea. Get sick. Do work. Sleep more. Try to do more work so I can go to dispatch. Too sick to go. So sad. Feel bad. FUCK. Reconsider going... ugh... get extremely sick.... Reaffirm my decision not to go. More sleep, and nowwww... study (2am)

I love this weekend!
And. fragmented... Sent.. ances!

Yeah. That was unnecessary.

But really, you know I've been sick when I haven't been compulsively updating my blog twice a day. haha. Oh, I need a life. This week should be ok though. Busy. A lot to do, a lot to read, but I'm ready for it. Hopefully i'l be better tomorrow. I feel better off than I did earlier today.

Hmm... my brother is applying to Law Schools... I should ask him what warrants a good sue. Lol. not really. I hate America.

I should at least get a gift certificate for all of this. I'll just get cheesecake from there. How odd is it that I want credit for a restaurant I hate so much?

Anyways. Test tomorrow. Hope I can make it through the hour that I'll be in that room. So far, I've been falling asleep every 45 minutes or so....

good night!

Internally Spotless?

Awesome night. Went to a the Ralph Stanley concert with Eric... very very fun... and interesting. Mmmmm... then worked until 0100, then watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." You know, that's a mighty fine film, but I feel as though I would understand it better watching it a second time through. I like things like that -- more similar to life. If we could press rewind and watch everything happen again, things would suddenly seem so much clearer. I mean, think about it: we reflect to better understand, and when we reflect, we relive moments.

I am so tired though. Fuck, it's 5am and I have to be up by 9:30am. I need to maximize the amount of sleep I get. Hooray 4.5 hours and counting... down....

I'm beginning to wonder how to dissect myself.
I can't bring myself to believe that it would be clean.
Haha. No different from anyone else, I suppose.
Pretty bloody.

I can't wait for the rest of today to happen.
Finally.

Naked Is So Much Better

Well. Survived. The first one wasn't so bad. The second one: yeah, that was bad. Third one, very easy. I almost slept through my thrid midterm. I had just finished the first two and went to Kerchoff to get my study on for the last one (which I hadn't yet studied for at all, and godamn, the chairs there are too comfortable. I woke up at 2:58 and my midterm was at 3:00pm. Fun times.

Dude. What the fuck is this? oh Jesus! Fucking shit. Nearly killed myself. Dianne had this weird looking thing on her deak, and I couldn't figure out what it was, when I finally busted it open it was this razor-blade holder thing. Gah. And now they're dropping everywhere and I can't get them back in. I think she has them as a plan to slice me. Slicer. I'll ah-slice you! Ok. This is only funny to me because Dianne and I say it once in awhile, and you know, you need the voice.

But really, I have no idea why she wouldn't have those. Haha. I mean't "would."

Mmmm.. a little frightened.

Ok. Going to nap for half and hour, then play the banjo, then go to dinner and then go to Royce. Yay! TGIF! oh god. Please realize that I wrote "TGIF" mockingly. I'm really not like that.

I still can't get over how much I dislike the names of Odwalla's juices. Naked is so much better. In ALL ways.. Mmm... actually, no. Some people I've definetely seen too much of, given that they still have signficant amounts of clothing on. Hmmm... can I wish for an interesting Friday? Justtttt Kiddddinggg....

*ackward silence*

Bad Poetry? Oh No-etry!

Thank God for coffee
for it's a long night ahead
to be looking at those textbooks
stuffing shit into my head.



******
Thank you Academic Bulemia.

I Don't Believe in Withdrawl

When I was in class today, I cracked up so much whenever I thought about the Juice Incident that occured last night.

Why am I so tired? Why must my body finally give in during a time when I need it to not sleep? So much left to do tonight. I'll probably end up going to Powell in a couple hours to jsut sit down and get myself to do the horrendoud amount of chem reading that I need to catch up on.

I met my mentor today. Wow! Yeah! I have mentor, I guess. What do you mean "I guess," Susanne? You applied for one.... Yeah. His name is Ravi. So nice. I'm so glad we got matched up. He's a (second? Third?) year medical student at UCLA and he went here for his undergrad. I was so suprised when I first talked to him on the phone last night that he sounded... normal. I was expecting some hunched-over guy who had decided to do mentoring only because it would look good when he got around to applying for his residency. Anyways, we clicked really well. Glad. I'm happy because he said he's gogin to try to find a physician for me to shadow... which would be AWESOME. Haha, I would be the envy of all of those med-center volunteers who are just dying to be just introduced to a doctor. It's so cool. I can't wait. This is getting me all excited for life.

I was talking to Tina, my counselor today, and we've come to the conclusion tha if I want to do my major and minor, I'm going to have to take summer school. Bummer. Looks like I'm going to be stuck in LA for a good part of the summer, but oh well, I'll have my car up here so I'll be able to head down to SD on the weekends. I'll also be taking the EMT course, which I'm really looking forward to. It's way more convinient for me to take it at UCLA rather than in SD, because really, I have no idea what to look for in a place, and I know UCLA is good -- so why not just take it here. Hmm, I'm going to have to figure out all of this enrollment shit, and find a place to stay at.

Anyone want a roommate?

Haha. If I don't fin dmy own apartment to lease at that time, then I'll find some sort of sublet with Dianne (if she decides to take classes and not be an Orientation Counselor)... man. ORL has her soul.

Must do stats. I decided not to drop it. I don't want a "W: withdrawl" on my transcript. That would be messy. And anyways, withdrawl isn't a safe technique to practice.

That's what she said.

Juicy V-Day

The best Valentine's Days are the ones that leave you sticky.
Hell, I suppose that applies to all days.

:-)

Oh, orange-juice: from where did you receive such propulsionary qualities?

I love everything.

Conversations With Myself

It seems as though writing is one of the things I look forwards to most throughout my day. Writing these silly little things, scribbling haikus on my lecture notes, coming up with little quips -- it's so rewarding to have a product of creation that is so easily touchable. I doodle, yes, but those usually get thrown away. I find that it is so infrequently that I ever throw away anything I write down. Hence, the large compiling of shit in my drawers.

I've taken to writing as a way of talking to myself, sorting out the tangles, reminisce about my day, old times. I don't have to explain an entire backstory to anyone; I know all of the details, and all that is left is the enjoyment of reflection and even enjoyment in the amount of effort i exert in piecing together the puzzle. Sometimes it feels as though I can't see the picture. Did you ever used to do that when you were younger? I was obsessed with puzzles when I was younger (still am when I have the time to do them), and whenever I completed a puzzle a few times over I would try to do it up-side down so that I couldn't see the picture as I was putting it together.

I'm not the most talented writer, but what the hell, I do it for myself. I used to keep a journal years back, and so I guess this is it now.

I also find that this allows me to pose questions to myself. When nothign silly has happened in my day, I need something to talk about, and it makes me think about what is it that's on my mind, and what I want to say. I think that's why I enjoy it when people ask me questions. When I ask them back
as well. An inquisative manner of discovering people is a way I tend to prefer. Hell, I could sit down for hours with someone and just ask questions back and forth.

*yawn*

I'm incredibly exhausted.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.

<3

Everyone loves eye candy.

13ºF... bad luck?

I'm feeling good about this week dispite the horrendous amount of things that need to be done. It's going to be a good time.

I took a walk last night. Before I left I checked the weather; it said 13ºF. Um, yeah. Wrong? A little off perhaps. I stepped outside in a miniskirt, tank top, and my new favourite hoodie, and it was perfectly nice. As I was walking towards the valley of campus (we walk to and from class uphill both ways), there was this exact spot in the downhill that it suddenly turned freezing. It stopped me in my tracks. The border was so distinct that I could move just two steps back up the hill and it was warm again. Thinking for a moment that I should head back up and be a pussy, I decided against it, and trudged my way through. Shit man, it was so cold. But as soon as I walked to the other side it was warm again. 13ºF. Fuck. Right there. No where else.

But really, I have a good feel for this week. If I was groping this week, it would feel like bags of sand. I'm just going to saty up late tonight so I can a have a relatively free week to study for those midterms.

Because yet again, this weekend was a waste of academically productive activities.

But worth it.


You know, not that many strange things have been happening to me lately.

I saw a big dog yesterday. Great Dane. That was cool. Shit, those are unneccesary creatures. There was also this tiny pug (god I hate those), and they were checking each other out, all friendly and all. As I was watchign however, all I could do was imagine this scene as I look at them and then the Great Dane would just bite the head off of the pug. I could really imagine it.

Haha. That would have been a mess.

And Now I Begin My Day

Ugh. I feel pretty gross right now. I'm going to need to go for a walk to walk off the nasty-ass dinner I just ate. I don't even want to talk about it.

Today I woke up at 1215. Had breakfast, got ready, went to the bookstore, came back at 1630. Then I called Emilio. Oh! I was so scared for a moment because I called him to say hello, and the first thing he said after "hello" was that last night he recieved a call from Kristine in an ambulance. Apparently Sarah had trouble breathing and needed to be transported. I got so worried for a second. You really realize how special people are to you when the possibility of losing them is placed in front of you. Anyways, she's ok. I think she stayed overnight at the hospital and went back to San Diego this morning. She had a viral infection in her muscles and joints, and somehow it began to restrict her breathing. Scary stuff man.

Ok. Don't mind that little side-tracking.

So. 1630. Then I sleep for 2 hours, and then I go to dinner, and now I'm doing this. I'm just exhausted. I feel like my body finally gave in from the torturous 5 hour or less nights of sleep it's been dealt over the last 3 weeks. It needed a break, and luckily, no major things in school until Friday -- although the major things on friday are 3 midterms in a row. Hooray. I have some other shit due throughout the week, but nothing too overwhelming. I'm going to stay up as late tonight as my body can physically handle, so that this week will be filled more with studying than doing tedious problem sets.

yeah. So, it's been 7 hours since I woke up from last night, and our of those 7 hours, I've only been up for 5. This better not be a sign for the coming weeks. Oh goodness. I have so much chemistry to learn in the next week, it's not even funny. I also need to plan out classes sometime.

The night is so nice, so warm. I'm going to take my music for a walk sometime; some thinking needs to be done about life complications tonight. I'd write about it now, but I'd rather just think it over some more before I write it down. It would just be a waste of space at this point.

A Gamble

Kind of sad. I didn't win the lottery today. I really thought I might be able to do it. *sigh* It's sad how conifdent I was. Haha. Oh well -- no one won the jackpot. I still have a chance next week. Ok Susanne, let's not become OCD over it. Haha. Oh, can you imagine it? Life would become so cool. I was going to write "easier" in place of "cool" but I realized that no money in the world could make my life any less complicated. It'll always be this way. I like it. I think I'd go and live in the mediterranean, get a yacht. Oh god, the list could go on, and it's best not to place myself in a state-of-mind in which I'll end up hating my current life. I'll try not to depress myself too much.

I'm buying a book tomorrow. How exciting is that? I haven't actually bought a book for myself in a very long time. Geez: I have to learn to keep up with those things.

Today I met an RA. His name was Ron. He was a talker. And well, we talked for a bit about types of friendship (because he had just gotten off the phone with a friends discussing the matter). And it's interesting, being here, and seeing that so many people just want something from you. To them, you are simply another resource for information about tests, homework, etc. and they call on you for nothing else. Then there are those who are real. The whole process of refining friendships is rather interesting. When you really look at a forming friendship... I don't know, it's special. Each one is different, but along the route to each one you reach a point when you know that that point is the farthest you will ever be friends. And how about ending of friendships? Or weakening of? I find that happening to me with a few people -- and it's rather awkward when you are still being forced to be around them throughout a week.

I've realized that I have by far the best music collection out of the people on the shared musics network of iTunes. I really do.

Tomorrow. I say to myself over and over: Tomorrow will be a good, productive day. Start praying for me.

I'm trying to be ... scratch that.... sound more friendly.

Last song of the CD. Should get ready to sleep.

I just want to dream vividly again, and see the things that I am missing.

Sub-Bourbon Baking

I had so much fun last night. I went to work, got all of my LS2 reading done... talked with 152, 120 you know, chill. 134 was sick. Sad. I think he either (a) got sick on purpose or (b) faked it, so that he didn't have to visit me at Powell, since I didn't show up to Shoenburg on Thursday. Come on. I need the company, otherwise I get too enveloped in academics. When I was talking to Adarsh (who is deathly sick) I made the decision to be a good person and take the 0645 UNEX shift he was covering for Chelsea. Haha. Problem was, I didn't get there until 0800. oops. My bad. Hey! A girl needs to have her fun on a Friday night! I work hard, need some time to unravel.

Went over to Eric and Adarsh's apartment last night to bake cupcakes for sick-olde Adarsh. It was a magnificent experience. Really: those cupcakes could not have been baked any better. Beautiful. With a couple shots of Bourbon in me, baking had never been more hilarious. I love hot stoves!

I had such a headache this morning. I really shouldn't drink on a day when I didn't eat. God-damn, so many people came into that building this morning.

Waking up was fun.

oh! haha. so, the frosting. HAHA. You don't want to know. If you ate a cupcake, you do not want to know. HAHA. Always be sure to inspect packaged products before you open them. Whatever, I ate the frosting. haha. Yummy! I had one for breakfast.

This weekend is going to be so damn fun. It already has been, and so much more to come.

MRI, My-Oh-My

I got an MRI done a few days ago. Just for fun. haha. No, really, it was -- and it turned out to be one of the cooler experiences of my life. I got into my hospital gown (so hot) and sat down on the MRI bed, which was suprisingly low to the ground in comparison to where the inner coil was. I got my first IV placed in my arm; I was so nervous about that. I was really happy when the guy who did it was so nice; he was just cracking these jokes about being drunk, and the irony of having worked this same job in Needles, CA... he was really making me laugh. And well, the needle went in and then I had this piece of plastic tubing just sitting there.

The MRI itself was cool. I was strapped down to the bed and large heavy sheet was placed over my abdomen to register the pictures. It was loud a few time, but I had headphones on to dampen the beeps and buzzes. It was neat because the headphone had speakers in them so I could communicate to the doctors that way... I'll admit that I felt like an astronaut. haha. Maybe I shouldn't admit things like that. The only weird part of the procedure itself was having the contrast injected through the IV into my blood so that in the pictures they took, my blood would be more illuminated.

So today I went back to go get a CD of burned images on there. They aren't single images but rather the complete files of the inside of my body, and the program with which to view them. It's amazing. I saw it and was astounded.

I can't wait to go back and do it again.

Seriously. I'll try and get some images up here at some point.

Wow.

Statistically Impossible To Excel

I'm in my Stats Lab right now, waiting for class to begin. The only thing that this class has going for me is the fact that it's going to quite possibly be the only class I will ever have that requires the use of a Mac. Yay. Finally, all of the files will be completely compatable with my own computer.

Statistics is pretty interesting. When the class first started out I thought about doing this as a major... but no, not now. The prospect of having to do these not-so-fun lab reports is not very enticing. I'll stick to bio. Also, there is no way that a career in statistics could foster the amount of social interaction I need in a job. Hmm... the more I think about it the more (right here I was about to put a solidified opinion of academic decisions, but then realized the more I think about it, the less I know). I love this.

I can't wait until this class is over. It should be an easy day today. "Learning" Excel in chem lab today, rather than doing actual lab. I used excel for an entire summer. I know that program. Easy. Well, I guess I'll be able to brush up in it. It's nice that they at least offer a tutorial as part of the course curriculum. In physics lab last year, they left us to fend for ourselves... not like the TAs could help...none of them spoke a sufficient amount of english anyway.

I Am The Be(a)st

It's really bad that I'm allowing myself to do all of this. It doesn't even feel like I have any control over it. Striving towards a fantasy... but it's not even true. It's there. But it's not true. And what is it for a man to aim for a lie? To oneself, to another?

Oh God, don't let me play with fire;
it'll end with me burning in Hell.

Who was the devil who told me to say yes?
Me.
I am the beast.

swoosh swoosh swoosh

Today I almost killed a person.

I was in stats class, listening to the lecture by my angry french professor. The time was 1554 hours. Suddenly the silence wass broken:

swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh.

My head perked up in attention.

swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh.

I pondered for a bit: what the fuck IS that?

And I turned around, and I saw this shaking leg behind me. There is was: up, down, up, down with such rapid motion against the fabric of the lecture chair. The person: a slouching asian girl with and atrocious lack of gum-chewing courtesy.

I turned back around to face the professor. He was yelling at someone for answering a question incorrectly, which the class seemed to find hilarious. It captured my attention, but as the laughter of the class died down, I heard it again:

swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh.

I sat there, staring at the professor, at the overhead projector -- but nothing, nothing was registering. All I could hear was that awful sound. I told myself not to let it get to me, for surely she would stop in a moments time, if not from the natural tendancy to stop then from the realization of the noise she was creating.

But it didn't stop. And as I looked at the people sitting around me, none seemed even the slightest bit phased by the scratching that gnawed at my soul. I let it go on, but at this point, that was all I could hear. It was as though the entire lecture hall had gone silent.

My hands got sweaty, my heart-beat raced ferociously. when was this going to end? HOW was this going to end? I couldn't think anymore. It was driving me crazy.

swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh swoosh.

I turned around.
I whispered firmly:

"Jesus Christ. Please stop doing that, it's driving me crazy. I swear to God."
Insert thought while saying this: I really will kill you

Or something in that sense. The words "Christ" and "God" and "Crazy" were in there for sure.

And so it ended. Simple. I should have told her right away but I foolishly led myself to believe that she had enough brains to realize what she was doing. Well, I guess it really doesn't have much to do with brains... maybe conciousness of ones surroundings

Later on in the class we were using the State Lottery System as a statistical model. I heard her say that she didn't know how to play the lottery.

I take back what I said earlier -- it must be the brains.

These Words Are Still Virgin

You know, I haven't posted in a few days. Mind you, I've been looking at what I've written in the past, and one would think that I should have expended that energy towards writing something new... but naw. Not that I haven't had anything to say -- oh shit, you should know what's going on inside my crazy head. Well, actually, you shouldn't -- that's why it's not here. Haha. I just haven't been able to write it all down. Most of my thoughts have been placed on scraps of newspaper as I'm sitting at work. I always wonder if I should destroy those pieces, but slowly they've been building up significant mass in a pocket of my backpack. I don't think I've found the best way to impregnate my words. I've been told that I have a tendancy to do that, although more-so in the style of spoken word rather than written (written with the annunciated "t") :-P.

kitten.

Today was a truly awesome day. This whole weekend was really. I went over to Chris and Justin's place today with Adarsh and Sirin for some superbowl action. Great time. Had a few beers. It was nice to have a drink again; it doesn't really happen much during the school year -- with "much" meaning "at all." Just the feel of a bottle in the hand. oof, that is nice. Don't give me none of that pussy-Shmirnoff Ice shit that the girls are always drinking. Just a straight-up servesa. There's just something about the mood surrounding a group of friends drinking for the company. You're not drinking to get drunk, just drinking for the taste, the feel, the whole shit. I can't wait until Tuesday when I can go hang out again. It really fortuante that this week is much more lax that any other this quarter, so what-the-hell, I might as well take it easy on myself. I just want to be around friends again. I should go for a night-drive sometime. Night-walks are fun still. I'll go on one tonight,

haha. I went to subway a few days ago, and they're giving out these game-cards with contest codes on them, but they also have these lame "new year resolutions" on them underneath the silver scratch-off stuff. I hadn't stratched mine off yet and I wanted to do so so I could write down how awfully stupid they are, but I won a bag of chips. haha. Godamnit. I didn't know it was a game! I thought it was just lame resolutions. Why can't things just go my way?! I lose by winning when I want to lose! This is ridiculous.

I'm reading again. I have to admit that Chris has gotten me into it. Although, I will give Eli some credit for lending his book. "The Book of Illusions" by Paul Auster is apparently "one of his favourite books... almost made him cry," so I thought it would be a good book to start me back into reading. I can't wait. I'm almost done with it, and it's readlly quite wonderful. I can't wait for "The Pastures of Heaven" though. There's something about Steinbeck that I like. I just love him. I was obsessed with him for about 6 month in highschool after we read "Grapes of Wrath."

Wow. It certainly is plesant to have a happy entry for once. My life seemed to really take a bit of a turn towards the flames in that last week. Not that I've gotten my thoughts organized anymore... but I'm definitely more relaxed.

It's hard being crazy.

All Night(er) Recovery

4:14 am

Things are going ok. I'm doing fine. So very glad I had decided to take a nap before pursuing this night.

One lab down, two to go. They shouldn't take me nearly as long.

Through all this, I really cherish education.

Why is it so cold in this room? Godamnit people. Get it together.

Signing out: 4:16 am

wait! I've been thinking. What is this supposed to be?

ok, signing out for real
4:18 am

DER FUCKING NACHT

FUCKINGs dfs=agraighorae


I hate everything.

I have so much work to do. It's 3 am. My stupid lab partners messed so much stuff up. I need to redo what I did in the report. I need to fucking fix all that they did wrong. I'm so tired. I still have so much to do. I just want to fucking give up. I can't stand this. I'm trying so hard, and I've been staring at my lab book for the last 15 minutes trying to figrue out a way I could go about fixing the report without re-writing it.


AND FUCK!!!

I hate this. I'm so frustrated. So little in my life is going right.

I just want the weekend to get here, be over with..


And oh god. I just want to go to sleep right now.


I hate everything.