Golf N' Stuff

Things are getting better. In fact, this weekend has been awesome, even though I haven't done any school work so far and it's Sunday evening. Maybe that's actually why it was so good.

Friday... Friday... what happened Friday? I worked... and then I slept. Wonderful.
Saturday I worked from 0900-0200 hours. Pretty much straight. I had a little bit of a break in between shift. 13 hours total. I was working at the Festival of Books, which is always amazing. So many people! It was so difficult to bike through such dense crowds. Skillz.

Oh. and SUNDAY. YEAH!
So I went to this Volunteer Appreciation event by the Community Development Commission, becauseI do shit for them. Anyways, it was really nice, and there were a good chunk of volunteers who came. Well, afterwards, we were given the opportunity to go to this place called "Golf N' Stuff" for free: free rides, 8 free tokens, free mini golf. Anyways, we had originally decided not to go because we just weren't going to have enough time... but the reception ended WAY early, and so we decided to go. So we go. We ride the go-carts and then decide to hit the arcade because it's freakin' hot.

And we play through our 8 token each.

However, one of the organizers from the CDC came by and gave us a shit load of tokens! She just ended up getting all the free tokens that they had reserved, and since we were the only 5 volunteers to go to Golf N' Stuff, she gave them to us! haha! Wonderful! So we played some games and thought it to be a good idea to start winning tickets. So I head over to this one game where on the base there is a spinning disk with holes in it, labeled with a corresponding ticket value for getting it in. So you know.. 1, 2, 5, 10, there was a 75.... I think maybe 100, and then... the elusive JACKPOT, which was then at 367.

So my friend Jose and I play. And we get nothing. We just kind of take turns dropping the ball. Suddenly, a coin of his falls under the machine! Oh no! He goes to pick it up, shuffling at my feet.... I decided to continue.

I drop the ball.

I see it bounce -- once, twice, three times.

and it rolls into the Jackpot.

I scream, "Jose Jose! Oh my god! I one the jackpot!"

haha. SOOO many tickets came out. I think we got 375 from that. It was great. We ended up getting some decent prizes.

Golf N'Stuff was pretty cool.


*sigh* I just missed class from 9-10 today because I woke up and my back hurt like shit. And I have to bike from 1000-1400. I popped a bunch of tylenol, we'll see if I make it.

Layers

So I cut my hair today. It looked REALLY bad for a few minutes. Thankfully, I was able to fix it. The worst decision I made was to make an attempt to layer it. Yeah. I think I remedied it fairly well. It's a good change. I feel like it needs something else, but I dont' want to make it tacky by dying it in any way. Yeah. I don't think that's going to happen.

So overall today was pretty bad. I got through it somehow. I just need to make it to 2pm tomorrow. Midterm is over. I have an hour before my Baker shift starts, and then I can just chill... do some Organic Chemistry... yeah.

I wish Emilio wouldn't keep saying what he's saying. It's annoying me.

There's more to it than his words.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Today has been a hard day. It's been an overwhelmingly difficult week full of fluctuating emotions. All I needed was a hug today. Thank god I ended up finding one, because I seriously don't know what I would have done. I almost broke down crying about three times today. I would have let it happen if I hadn't been in class/in public during those times. I don't mind crying in public so much just as long as I have a friend with me. It's just super awkward for people to see another person cry when they are alone.

Julien died. Godamnit. It was so stupid. I can see it in my mind, and it's disturbing me.

It makes me scared. Everything is so godamn temporary. You can lose it in a second.

I'm cutting my hair today. I needs to go.

My heart goes out to you Julien.

FAILURE! FAILURE! PARENTAL UNIT CRASH!

I'm really upset with my parents right now.

*sigh*

I've decided to stop telling them ANYTHING.
They LOSE.

I've always been pretty adament with the whole "tell them stuff" thing, because I don't have anything to hide, and whatever, it's not like they could ever stop me from doing what I want to when I'm here. I don't do anything "bad" or life-compromising. Oh well. They don't get anything anymore.

Once again... what is it? d.c al coda?

They lose.

31 Days

AHHHHHH

GODAMNIT.

I AM SO ANGRY.
AHHHH!!! I really could just scream right now. I can't believe this. I can't believe it. I hate this. I hate this feeling. I'm not in the mood right now. I don't know what to feel so I'm making the decision? Or is it natural? To feel angry instead. I don't want to evaluate anymore. I don't want to be sad right now. Hell, fuck it. I don't even want to be happy right now. I WANT to be angry. I just want to sit here. I just want to leave. I don't want to be at this desk. I don't want to type on this dirty keyboard of hers. I don't even know who you are. No one does. Your a looooser. Yes. Yes you are. A And people agree. So there.

AND AHHHH!!! I don't know what I'm doing. Everything is a mess. And I just need to vent. And you. You're the one I'm used to. You listened to all of my stupid problems, and gave me a shoulder. And I'm not sure if it's there anymore. And I'm sorry I'm being emo, but 31 days has happened, and now I'm getting that feeling that I hate, but that's ok, we're allowed to feel this way, but only when no one else is in the room (which is rare and which is now) so I might as well take advantage of it.

And fuck, sometimes I don't know. And I'll be sitting in class, and the board goes blank, the room goes blank, and I'll I want to do is regret. And sit there, and mope. And I never show this sort of thing, but I want to right now.

And I"m going to continue this in an hour because I have to put on an earth day program. I'm going to go paint me a pot and plant me a flower and continue my rant.

And I'm still expecting a phone call.

*****

Ok well, I'm back. Painting was theraputic until my mom called me to bitch at me. FUCK. Thanks Dad. Thanks for telling her I lent Jay my computer for a couple of days, cause now she's freakin out over nothing. Wow. It's so nice to have all my emotional shit just pile up in one day. I guess it saves me the trouble of worrying about emotion for a month now.

Jesus.

*sigh* I'm just tired of this. I'm happy here, ok? I'm happy godamnit. Haha. Ok, well, maybe not right now.... but overall. In the general sense.

I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry. I apologize. But there's more to it than that.

I can't rant anymore. It's exhausting me and I have to study. And you're never ever going to read this --- which suprises me, but whatevs. I have to write, write quickly, and I type faster than I can scribble.

And I'm so fucking hungry right now. I really should start eating more. I've just been so busy and overwhelmed with so many things. You'd be mad at me if you knew how infrequently I have a decent meal.

Limited Access

My good friend Jay had the unforunate event of getting his computer stolen (AHH!)

So I lent him mine until Thursday because I hardly use my own. Thus, I will have limited access to such things as AIM and email. I expect academic productivity to increase approximately 10 fold.

I totally rocked my LS1 midterm yesterday. I'm rather proud of myself. I'm off to study Anthropology now.

Good bye!

My Bad

The website didn't want to work last night when I wanted to post this at as around 1:15am

Oh haha. nevermind. I thought I had saved what I want I had written and that I would just copy paste it, but I didn't.

Lost forever then.

--------------------

I'll I remember was a "I can't wait for the weekend to come. Friday: I summon thee!" at the very end.

Outside my window or door. That's awesome.

I have stuff to write about but I'm going to have to attend a meeting in a second.

Lovely

True time: 1:17 am

Wow.

This is nice.

Oh god, I can't wait until the weekend. Friday night: I summon thee!
Doubts be gone!
Polish Film Festival?

Candy.

Fill Me

I'm tired.
I just woke up from a sleep I'd prefer to be in.

It's weird. I think I've figured out what is different.
I'm still connected.

Now I feel a little empty. Gonna go get some coffee and food. I'm so hungry.

****
An edit to the above post:
Gosh darn it. Sometimes I just don't know. I'm flip-flopping back and forth during these small intervals of time.

I ate a turkey sanwhiche. It was pretty good. I'm not hungry anymore.
I studied.
I'm moving forward?

The Sun Rises

It was difficult getting to sleep last night. I was so tired, but I didn't want to be, so I tried to force myself to stay awake.

I remembered part of a dream: I was telling Ryan and Eric about the dance performance I went to, and how I thought that it was the best I had been to, and they talked down to me about it. They shrugged off my opinon and told me the performance was to simplistic and predictable.

It odd that when we go to bed, we can feel so vulnerable. It seems as though when we wake up we should feel comparitively more insecure; we wake up and realize how vulnerable we were when we slept, and that we had no control over our own lives -- anything could have happened. In the morning we should just be thankful we made it through the night to see the sun and to be alive.

I woke up this morning and I felt happy. The sun sort of does that to me.

Human Body Tattoo

I saw a dance performance at Royce today. It was spectacular.
You must go see the Human Body Tattoo perform.

I must say, that I've never been very partial towards dance; I'm not quite sure why. I never grew up with it in any way, shape or form, so perhaps because of that, it's been especially difficult attempting to connect to it. Also, maybe what I've seen so far (besides tonight) just hasn't been all that great.

You know, I feel kind of sick right now. Sick to my stomach. I don't think it was the burrito I had -- though I suppose I can't rule that out as a possibility. It just happened a minute ago. I was looking at a photo and I got sick with myself. And I got a bit of a horrible feeling within me; more that just a "bit" actually.

I'm not sure how much I want to let go.

WTF reads this anyways? I don't think anyone does any more. Peter? You do, kind of. Whatever. I write to myself.
EGT: did you ever read this? Haha. I was just wondering if you cared. Whatever. I write for myself.

Fuck. One picture and my evening turns uncomfortable.
I want to go for a walk, but it's cold. I don't like the cold anymore.


I listened to Rachmoninov's Isle of the Dead tonight after the performance. It's so good. Oh god, that just makes my life seem hopelessly pessimistic. It's really not like that, I promise. I listened to Beethoven's 7th and 8th too. So there. And some Shöenburg opuses. opusi? Opussies?

:-l

hmm...

no, really -- I promise.

I'm excited for Japan. Oh yes. I am going.

:-)


Japan!

I want a tattoo of something that will always have great meaning. Does that something even exist? It seems everytime I think of something that holds any permanence in my life it crumbles. Maybe I should stop thinking about permanency. It seems to jynx me.

66?

That's lame.

Maybe a circle. Just a single, small, circle. Yeah. I kind of like that. But where? That's another question. What about right in the center of the chest? Right between the breasts? I kind of like that.

Symmetry. It's comforting.

Long Time No Write

Man, I haven't written anything in a long long whiles. I've just been so busy. I suppose it's not all that difficult to make time... well, maybe it's more difficult to make opportunities to write. I'm hardly ever in my room, and am usually in a rush to be somewhere else. Like now. I should be headed towards the library. I have my first midterm on monday. (boo).... so on Thursday I took that day to be my last chance of the quarter to party. Well. It really wasn't much of a party, but I had a good time hanging up in Rieber.

I'm getting a little worried, because I haven't practiced Banjo in a while, and the competition is less than a month away. I"m going to start forcing myself to at least 30 minutes a day. I hate it when I have to force myself, bu tlately I've just been so busy, that I'm not setting enough time aside for other important things.

I've been biking a lot too. After the promotion I got, it's about all I do. Now it sucks when I work a shift during which I can't bike... walking is just so inefficient. The whole biking thing is getting easier; I'm starting to develop the muscles I need. All of th etunning I've done this last year didn't really help me out on the muscle-strength field, although it's kept my heart from exploding. But the first day of biking -- man that was painful afterwards. I guess 7 hours of biking is a bit overdoing it on you first shift. Oh well. I'm fine now. I also have never riden a bike intelligently, I might say; I've never used the gears to make riding the most efficient experience possible. I've had to learn so much in the last week! It's ridiculous. I love it. It's giving a challenge to my body and mind and the same time.

I wanted to go sailing today, but I made the right decision to study. Especially because I have work tonight. Oh goodness. Midterms are a pain. I can't wait for summer.

Oh. I've decided to stay up in LA for most of the summer. I'm going to try to get some sort of research opportunity here, or take an EMT course. Being a CSO is way more fun, but I still think I might want to get trained. CSO forever. Being an EMT just seems boring. They most certainly do not have as much fun as we do. Anyways, I'm going to try and convince Professor Phelan to let me help him out with his research. I sounded relatively intelligent at his office hours, so I figure if I keep attending them for the next few weeks, and keep on sounding relatively intelligent... the fact that I'm here over the summer might entice him enough to bring me into his lab. He works with fruit flies. Yup. That might end up being my summer. Haha. Oh, man I want that bad.

SmmoooOOOOOtttthhhiiieeee!!

220: Hey you! Get out of the bushes!


Haha.
SmooOOOOOoothiiiiieeeee!

Risk: Mango
Offroad adventures: Carmel Ice Blend

Deliciously fun, and I'm a winner both ways. Well ok -- not the first way. I just watched.

Tonight was a good time.

Spectacular Find

My feet are so sore.

I was walking around campus/etc for 6 hours doing escort. And I still here radio traffic in my mind. That's how craazy I've turned.

Afterwards, Brandon dropped me off in front of De Neve. I started walking in the space between Dykstra and De Neve, and then thought to myself "maybe I'll just walk through the main part, just to see if Justin is waiting there. Just in case. Oh man, if he is ..." So I walked inside. Not there. Up the stairs. Phone buzzes. Missed a call. Check to see who it was. Justin of course. I sat down because my feet were so terribly sore, and return the call. He got all upset (not the angry kind) that I was sitting down and not going to my building. "Where are you?" I ask. "Uh.. nowhere." Haha. Yeah. I believe you completely.

I wobble back to my building. Open the door. And there he is, sitting in a corner by the elevator, hiding; waiting for me.

It was nice to know he thought about me the same way I think about him.

I am so sore, but I am still so happy.

Cream My Pie

So yesterday, I worked at Anderson School of Business. Normally, the shift entails sitting at a desk with another CSO for a few hours and goofing off. I mean... working.

But yesterday --- yesterday was different.

I got a letter in my box from dispatch:

"I received a phone call from Ms. Vivian Hollenbeck from the Center for Jewish Studies... she has a special request for UCPD to provide extra security protection to a visiting scholar who is schedule to ... give a lecture in Corn Hall. The speaker is French Philosopher Bernard Henri Levy. According to Ms. Hollenbeck he is an extremely controversial speaker that draws hecklers. His agent requested that he be given a police escort... His agent said that he is afraid that Mr. Levy will be HIT BY A CREAM PIE. Mrs. Hollenbeck did not know is he has been hit by cream pies in the past."

What an amazing man. First of all, kudos to him for making a career as a fucking philosopher. That is AMAZING in itself. How does that even happen? You are not labeled as a "critic" or "writer" but as a "philosopher" and for some reason that makes you way more important and distinguished than anyone else. Second: cream pies? I think they throw those a lot in France. Oh that French humour!

When he arrived, me and two others went to give him full security from the complete lack of hecklers/pies in the area. We completely surrounded him. One in front, one to the side, one trailing behind. We looked around for any "threats." Haha. It was so unecessary to have that many people. We just did it to mock him. We had been thinking before-hand whether we should get another friends to just be in the building "innocently" carrying a pie somewhere, and see what his reaction would be. Or we could have a friend throw one, and one of us could lunge in front of him, and take the hit. We could be heroes. .

I started my bike training today. Haha, I haven't riden a bike in probably a good 5 or 6 years. Isn't that pathetic? It was so much fun to get back on again! I have to do it more often. I learned a lot of cool stuff, and picked up the moves a lot faster than I thought I would considering I was barely used to riding. I learned how to mount and dismount in super-cool ways, go up/down stairs, and jump curbs two different ways (which ended poorly during one of my attempts. I kind of pulled the bike up too early and ended up running into the curb straight on). Oh, and to ride really slowly and turn with a small radius (which are both a lot more difficult that they sound, ok?). I'm hoping to ride again tonight to get some more practice in. Oh man! It's so exciting.

This quarter kicks ass.

Paint Smeller

Today was a very long, very funny, and very worthwhile day.

However, I'm covered in pink paint, and as of now, can recieve a maximum of 4 hours, 20 min of sleep.

Thus I will write tomorrow, although tomorrow is going to be just as long... hopefully just as fun.

I missed the smell of paint.

4 hours 19 min.

Study To Be A Baker

Busy day today. Got a lot done. I've been studying like a mad-man. Oh, but it feels so good. I've gotten to the point where I dont' know what I did before studying; I mean, to the extent of filling up as much time as I do. Yes, I read, interneted, etc... but for THAT long? Anyways, it's been a great time seeing that all my work is paying off in the form of some sort of understanding.

So I went to the library this evening (well, this afternoon too, but this evening was the exciting time). I was studying and then I got a unexpected, but much welcomed, visitor, who came baring art, music, and company. Hooray! So nice, so nice. Being alone, pent up inside of a library for hours in a day cannot be healthy. It's nice to have some company, especially late at night when the walk home can be terrifying. Well, except for me of course -- I ain't scared.

I start Baker training on Wednesday! WOO! Let's see.... two hours with Tom this Wednesday, and then 4 hours with Justin next Monday. I'm so excited. I'm really going to try my damn hardest. I want it so badly. No girls are trained Baker units right now, and I'd really like to prove myself through my abilities. I haven't ridden a bike in a long whiles, so it's goign to be a bit of a crash-course in the agility aspect to it.

I'll work hard.

I'm into that sort of thing now.

Life A la Mode

This was a good weekend, which actually suprised me. I pessimistically thought it would be shittier than it turned out to be. Oh, those days of optimism. Come back from the past!

On Saturday I saw Sonny Rollins. Amazing performace. We missed the first tune because the traffic on the 405-S was ghastly. Not too much harm was done though -- the show was 2 hours long of straight playing (no intermission!).

Then there were pancakes and waffle a la mode (did you know they do that? It's delicious!) at Izzy's, because that is the best late-night place around. Oh, I like pancakes. I was rather proud/disgusted with myself because on Saturday I managed to only eat breakfast food at every meal (brunch, dinner, and late-night dinner).

Then today was full of ORL BBQ fun (suprisingly fun), and then so much freaking studying it's amazing, really. I did all my reading for the next week for LS1 and Anthro, and did a lot of o-chem. However, I noticed, one can never possibly be "caught-up" with chemistry, especially organic chemistry. There's always more to do, godamnit.

I'm feeling good about this week. I'm just praying I don't get anymore messed up dreams; they really tend to confuse me in their attempt to clarify my subconsious. Or maybe they intend to confuse me, so that I'm forced to examine every bit, every angle, of my life in order to get me to a point of "well... maybe that's it. Screw it. I'm forgetting about it."

I"m sorry that I've been quite vague in my last few posts. You know that I go through stages once in a while. Whoever reads it will know exactly what they should: nothing... or everything.

:-)

A Dream of Nine

I had some crazy dreams last night. They were just all over the board.

One of them was rather violent.

It took place in some sort of construction area. All I remember was that there were lots of old, rusted cars parked everywhere. It was foggy too.

I was walking with him through the lot. Nothing had happened yet, and I wasn't really expecting it to. Suddenly he gestured for something more and kissed me. At that moment, you came. The two of us seperated from each other and you hit him in the jaw. He couldn't defend himself very well. I screamed "no, no, what are you doing? Stop this!" in a tone of desperation because I knew at that moment of witness it would be over completely. You hit again, and I said "This is why. Why are you so violent? You could hit me. I'm scared of you now. This is why," and fell on my knees to the ground. I remember myself looking up, and you looking down. You were wearing that white striped shirt. I grasped on to you in pleading desperation, thought I'm not sure what it was I was pleading for; perhaps for it to stop. Your reply signalled no hope for anything.

But I got up though you didn't help me.

And we walked.

And as I looked back, all I saw was his back as he walked away.

----
I don't know where this came from.
Maybe it's because it's the 9th.
That would explain it.

2

(365 x 2) - 15 = 715

not bad.
It's not like I forgot or anything.
I guess it'll still be a grande olde time tonight.
I'm looking forward.

True-Is

Hey there. Long time no talk huh?
I hear that you're happy.
I'm happy.

So hey, it worked out.

So let's keep on being happy. And let's start talking about the happy.

:-)

Admition

I'll admit it:

I'm feeling a little frightened.

How many days to I have left to go before I get a call?
What is it that I want to hear?

I Hate Florida

Hey there. Wow. I haven't posted in a long time. It's been kind of hectic lately. School just started back up again -- which is exciting. I swear that I'm going to do things right this quarter, and though I tell myself that every quarter... I swear this quarter will be different... though I say that every quarter... and it's always the same story.

Well... all I can ssay is that it will be different.

Monday.... Monday... yeah. Championship game minus the whole "championship" thing. IT was still frickin' awesome to chill and party though. *sigh*... no riots of joy however. No turning over and burning of various things. Oh well. Adarsh's BBQ was still great though. A lot of fun pictures with Justin and myself's faces covered in cupcake frosting. At least I won that war. I had the best attack moves.

Aside from the unfortunate loss, everything was great. The cupcakes were a hit, might I add... (I baked them) :-)

Everyday here in LA since coming up has just been awesome. Taking it easy, and hanging out with friends again is definitely nice to do again. Making some new friends too, which I'm excited about. It's always strange going into a new group of people. I'm less worried about them takinga liking to me (come on, I'm irresitable), but rather me to them. And well, so far so good on at least the most important people I should enjoy the company of.

All of my teachers so far are so awesome. They are such eccentric people. My o-chem professor is the über-american guy with this hilarious sense of humour towards america and everything in general. Then my 20th Century Arts professor is this "artsy" guy... but who's kind of lame. But is makes it funny. I feel like he's just like those artsy/theatre kids from highschool who try so hard to be artsy/theatrical. He wears all black and generally exhibits a personality that is painful for me to witness... but otherwise: entertaining. And then my LS1 professor... so cool. Dude: he admitted that he's read all 7 editions of Darwin's "The Origin of Species" in order to compare their differences. What do you expect from an guy who teaches evolutionary biology and studies the hours that a fruit fly can go without eating? Nothing more, nothing less. Oh but actually, I'm feeling I can expect so much more from him. He's so cool! He's one of those "hip, young" professors. Young, being like 35 or so, but whatevs. Entertaining as well. Hopefully the rest of my professors will turn out to be as great.

Anyways, I have to get some shit organized.

Bye.

What is this, a letter? I don't need to say "bye."