$1000 ride

The one hour ride I had today was definitely worth a thousand dollars. Exact amount to follow in time. I stopped counting because it became to painful.

I Like Bike

First off, I would just like to say how very difficult it is to brush your teeth and do anything else at the same time. Everytime I try, I come across something that needs two hands to be done, and then the toothbrush just ends up hanging out of my mouth while my mouth overflows with foam (which I have idea how it forms since there is no brush-action occuring) and then I can't breathe properly and I either have to go to the sink and continue brushing my teeth ... or the brush fall out, usually onto my keyboard -- which is exactly what just happened. I have problems.

I'm buying a bike. And no, contrary to my parents' belief, I am not making this purchase simply because of Justin. Jesus H. Christ, don't they recognize that I have the capability to make decisions independantly of those made by people around me? I will admit, that my past relationships have made me gain more interest in things that I previously didn't concern myself with. But is that wrong? I don't think so; I think it's great. I'm so happy when relationships (whether with friends, or boyfrieds, or teachers etc.) open me up to things I wasn't familiar with before. That is what I constantly want out of a relationship. That's actually wha I enjoy most about being in a relationship with someone; I don't want someone who is a reflection of myself, nor to become the reflection of another. It's so great to meet someone and to share this common set of interests and develop around and with each other. I think when people become the same person the relationship simply becomes boring; we need to have some seperate interests to maintain a sense of self-identity. I never want to be known as someone's girlfriend (I have a name you know). There's this couple I know, and they do EVERYTHING together. I'm not sure if they have anybody else they do anything with. We even combined their names into one identifier. Sad. Get some lives of your own.

Wow. A little side-tracked there... Ok, so back to the bike: It's nice. I haven't purchased it yet... that's for tomorrow's doing. Talk about an expensive hobby to get yourself into. Geez. I've stopped caring about the money though, because I figure I don't ever spend my money on anything, and I've saved up a lot over the years; that money needs to do something for me. It can't just sit there depreciating in real value.

I've been so damn busy today. I'm so happy that I'm out of my 110ºF car. Hooray for no air conditioning and (as of recently) no fan! hooray!

I made myself a really good panino for dinner. Oh man... so good. My parents have better allow me to take the panini maker up to LA. I am such a good cook. Fuck. And yes, with the way I make paninis, it can be considered "cooking." Please. I should have taken a picture of it to post. Shit.

I need to call matt and laura tonight.

I had accidently written "sarah" instead of laura. my mistake. I'm actually not allowed to be friends with her anymore according to her. Haha. What a bitch.

And on a happier note... um... I finally found the CD I was looking for for over a year now. I've listened to it three times since I've found it. Awesome.

Saturday

I can't wait until Saturday.

!!


Finally.... I get to see him again.

It'll be fun to live with him for the summer.

Cleaning Out My Life

I came back from Canada last night, and am leaving for Los Angeles on Saturday morning. Thus, there has been the traditional cleaning of my room. I hadn't unpacked my things from UCLA, so I have to do that, then REPACK a select number of things for when I move back up for the summer on Satruday. I can't really bring up that much stuff.

In cleaning out my room I am amazed by how much I hold onto the past in everything. I foudn things from 4th grade! But they're all just sentimental things -- letters, tickets, pictures. Everywhere. And everywhere I look I am reminded of something in my past. The problem is, they are memories which I just don't want to be reminded of. I'm not sure why a few of them are giving me such a difficult time, but even then, I can't bare to take down that picture, or throw awaysome of the things. And I should, I know I should... but I don't. I just place them in a box and tell myself that I will never look at them again.... but they're there. The main problem is when I have to put somethign new in the box, and all those memories come back... and I just sit there until I force myseld to recall why they are in the box in the first place, and then close the box and put it away.

When does a remembering a painful memory cease to be more valuable than eradicating it? Does it ever? For me at least?

For now, those things sit in the box. In the corner of my room, bottom shelf, behing the door, in a shoebox. I'm afraid that's where they are always going to be. Something I HAVE thrown away. Small steps.

I remember watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and thinking how horrible it would be to erase something or someone from your mind.... so easy in the movie. I guess it just scares me that I won't remember anything one day. And when everything is destroyed and no one remembers, how can you prove the past ever existed?

Eh

I'm leaving for Canada tomorrow. Or today, rather... like in 5 hours. I really should get to bed.
I met up with Eric and Peter today. That was nice, really nice. We just went out for coffee and brownies, played some scrabble too, at Pannikan. Haha... so HS, but it was nice to just talk and catch up a bit. They'll both be visiting me over the summer, which will be nice. Hopefully Eric will be able to stay overnight on July 4th-5th so that he can party it up with me and the rest of my friends there.

I also painted today. Oh, it was so nice. I'm so happy I'll be bringing up my stuff during the summer and year. I really need to paint more. I've definitely given thought to.... well, pursuing it as a living, but I'm not so sure yet. It's in me though... it's in me, and it's so odd to have such conflicting feelings towards what I want to do. I'm defintely going to apply to graduate art programs, and we'll just see if I get accepted. Why are there just so many things that I'm interested in? As I get more involved, we'll see where I end up. It's going top be an exciting road. Graduate school is far away though. I don't plan on going right when school ends, so that's 3 years away. I pretty happy with what I churned out today though. Normally, I come back to painting, and try to do something... and I just get so frustrated; it feels like I need warming up, and I go through all of this canvas pad in frustration. But this time -- first time, I turned out a self-portrait that I'm really happy with. I'm looking at it now, and really does resemble me -- I suppose that's good, right?

Ok, I'm off to bed. I'll try to write more. Maybe do a few postings when I can up in Canada. Ugh. ... 0515 hours I'm getting up. Blah. I'll sleep more on the plane. As long as I take a shower in the morning, I'll be good.

Undie Run!

He said, "I ran out of soap."

I said, "Come on over. I may have some 'lye'-ing around."


It's been a fun night. Running across campus in my underwear. Has tequila stopped working for me?

Ice cream sandwiche. Yum.

Brush my teeth and go to bed.

IKEA!

And so school is over.
My classes were AMAZING this quarter, and it's sad to not have lectures for them anymore. I'll be taking classes by the some of the same teachers in the future,.... but those classes will be more difficult.... and i hate to be intellectually challenged.

It's been a little unfortunate that i've been so tired these last few days. i only just woke up. It's noon on the Saturday before my finals (which are on monday, tuesday, wednesday), so that probably wasn't the best decision my body could have made.

Well, I'll just be studying really hard these next two days, that's all. Easier said than done. Naw, I'm pretty good about studying... lately it's just been a matter of finding the time in my life to do as much as i'd like. man, i can't wait until next year. i'm cutting a few activities out of my life, so i'm going to have the chance to do what i really want to do.

I was thinking yesterday, how this is going to be the best summer ever. I'm going up to Canada with my mom and dad for a week-and-a-half, and then i'm moving into a sublet (which is wonderful) with Justin .
:-)

And the best part of the whole sublet thing is that i get to go shopping at Ikea. yay! i love that place. I need to buy a bed and a mattress, along with sheets, comforter, etc. and cups, plates....yay! I always wanted to do this.

Also, i'll be working for professor Pires.... and hopefully be able to join her in her field studies. Right now, she's going up to Canada (jesus, i can never leave that place), so that would be easy to self-fund. However, she's been trying to get to the Congo... oh yes, the congo. Now, it's pretty expensive to go there, but i think i could pool a lot of my money together (especially from working over the summer) to go. Really though, i think the time committment would be really long. I'd have to see how long she'd be going for. The thing is, it's not so easy to leave. This is how she gets to he site (where she studies bats):

1.) Fly to Kanshasa
2.) Ride a bus for a day to a river-side village
3.) Ride a boat for a day
4.) Hike through the jungle for 6 days

voila! you're there!

it's also the fucking congo... aren't there militants there or something?


yeah, but in terms of the rest of my summer, i'll be auditting a few classes. spanish, french, molecular biology. Whatever, i can fit into my schedule.

love you all. hope to visit you/ hope you visit me at some point

Moving

In these last few weeks, I've realized just to what extent people have the ability to "move-on" with things in their life. Friends, family.... etc. It's amazing how easily people forget.

Always a First

Bike shorts for the first time:

Interesting. I LOVE THEM. They make riding so much more awesome.

Pros: Ass Padding, warmth, security, thigh squeeze-age
Cons: Ass Padding (really, I don' t need any more thank you very much)... and the now underwear thing (yeah, um, needs some getting used to)

goodnight.

I am so hungry.