Bad F'ing Timing

On the way down from Mammoth, along the 215, Scott and I saw a billboard for Pala Casino. It read:

James Brown
Feb 8

Yesterday was Decembet 30th.
James Brown died Christmas morning.

Good job, Pala.

Good F'ing Timing

Yesterday night, I sat down at my computer and let go of all my frustrations about Justin never calling or writing me. Actually, it was more a reflection on "patience" rather than "frustration." It was supposed to be in this spot. It was good. I just read it over... and damn, that was good writing. Wittiness included.

I was probably two paragraphs away from finishing it when I saw him online (wow!) and he told me he was just writing me an email. And we talked for a while. Online and then on the phone. It was nice to hear his voice again.

It's good to just write things down. Oh, it wasn't mean or anything... but sometimes life just gets on our nerves and we have this huge urge to get it down on paper and tell the whole world. I guess telling the whole world isn't that necessary anymore. More often than not, we just need to do things for ourselves, and give ourself time to personally reflect on things.

I feel better. Oh, a lot better indeed. The mountains can make you feel lonely.

Today's New Year's Eve. Bonfire tonight at La Jolla Shores. Ian should be there now claiming the pit. My shift is to hold it from 11am-1pm, and then the fire starts at 6pm. Why we couldn't make it an all-day beach party was beyond me. That would have made more sense, but maybe people get sick of the beach. Why? I don't know. Impossible!

...

We do a lot, a feel a lot, of silly things when we care about someone. It often comes off as over-reacting, while in our hearts it's never enough. More so when we've been away from eachother. You see what daily life is like without the other person, and though it's usually not *horrible*, it very often would just be nice to experience the exciting moments with them, and to have their presence to make the normal moments less mundane.

And we always get angry when it seems like the other person didn't care as much as we did, don't we? I always get frustrated because it's like, "well, I could have excerted less energy caring." But in the end, we all care about each other. Not everyone is Mr. Romantic, and not every girl is perfect ... conflicts make books and film more entertaining, why not life?

I Can Do Anything

I care too much.
I try too hard.

Scratch that.

I care more.
I try harder.

I'll try to stop. It's not worth it, and it doesn't seem to be getting worth it anytime at all.... not soon, not even beyond soon.

I do it because it's fun for me.

back in 5 days

Well..... Christmas miraculously turned out all right. Hopefully. I'm a little fatter, and hopefully I'll lose some of that excess me while snowboarding. I always tend to a little bit.

I am leaving for Mammoth tomorrow morning with Zac and Eric. A fun 8 hour drive. hooray!

So do not fear; I shall not be dead... although I can't really promise that with 100% confidence, but I'll try not to be morbid like that. I'll be gone for a few days, until the 31st ... let's all hope that my knee doesn't explode.

Goodbye!

The Promise

If I ever get married one day, and if I ever have children, I promise to never EVER yell with my spouse when they can hear. And I promise to never let them hear me cry.

It's the most horrible horrible feeling. You just feel like nothing.

Tongue in Mouth

You know what? I'm sorry, but what is it with people taking pictures of themselves and their significant other kissing each other? It's really actually quite stupid. It's different when you're hanging out with a group, or at the minimum with another person, and they take a picture of the two of you during a kiss, because then it's like "oh! that's cute!" But when it's like the two of you hanging around and then you say, "hey! let's makeout.... but instead of doing it normally, I'll kiss you with one of my arms fully extended so that the flash doesn't washout or over expose our faces. Cool?" And people post them online like crazy! I've seen full tongue-in-mouth action on facebook ... nasty you guys... That is f-ing nasty... I really don't feel comfortable seeing that without some sort of warning; most of the time, the pictures are in some sort of album that is descretely labeled as "dinner at the prada" or "visiting my mother" and then, amongst the wholesome is this horrendous makeout shot. Eww. Please, at least give us all -- ok... just me -- the courtesy of organizing all of your makeout pictures into one album and labeling "Xtreme nastE make-OUT session... HOT!" I don't know. Whatever witty thing you can think of. Oh... and what's with people looking at the camera while they're making out? At that point, you're not even pretending that it's candid. Yes. We see you making-out. We know who you are... and yes... we are ashamed... but mostly just grossed out.

HS vs. Now

Done with xmas shopping. Done.

Met up with Eric, Ryan, and Zac today. Nice to see them all again. It's really odd to only see someone a few days out of the year, especially when you used to spend so much of your time with the in highschool.

I spent a lot of my day today speaking in a british accent. I was pretty proud of myself.

The Standards

I'm going to be a little open here. More so that I usually am, which actually hasn't been all that open since about Februay of last year:

... fuck... i've stopped knowing how to be open. I'm going to do my best however.

Do you ever wonder why we have to here something to believe it? Why is a feeling sometimes not good enough, even when the feeling itself is so damn good? I can't understand why I need those words to validate what I feel to be true. I know its silly, but maybe it's because it's used so liberally among other people. That's the only thing that has been difficult. I'm not going to be the one to put myself out there, because I got shot down. I said it, and I got shot down... so now I have no choice but to leave it up to him ... but it's turning into something more difficult than I could ever have imagined ... just because it came so much more quickly than I thought it would.

my eyes are sleepy. I can't even keep them awake.

Is it me, or is it that girls just seem to care more? Why is that? Aren't guys supposed to be the ones fawning over us? ... you know, the whoel gamete size thing, reproductive investment etc... since when did girls start competing for the attention of men? I'm so tired of it.... maybe it's because the quality in guys has really gone down, and some guys just don't care what girls come their way. Shift in standards.

Whatevs. no matter how many people probably hate me by now, I still consider myself to be pretty awesome.

I guess that wasn't all that more open, but I'll try to make an effort to be so. It would be nice for myself at least. I'm very tired right now. Lots of fun today, so now I have to sleep. And dream. Of you. Hopefully good dreams -- unlike that horrible nightmare I had on Wednesday. Jesus. That almost made me cry.

Miss you. I do.

Scream 2

I feel like Lee and Starbuck when they land upon New Caprica and have sex in the sand. Yeah --- except minus the sex... a whole lot of that ain't going on in my life right now. But the rest? Yeah, I'd say so.

I want to scream it so badly.

Glue Glue

Jesus Christ. I've been inhaling glue for the past two days. This cannot be healthy.
Oh well. I think that the product is going to make it worth it.. I have to stop working on it tonight, because I'm so close to hating it due to the incredibly strenuous process of making it. Wow.

A lot of old people shop at Longs. I don't really know what's up with that.

I find that a huge reason I do art is to get my mind off of things. I let all of my energy flowout of my brain and into my hands. Maybe that's a reason I allow myself to feel longer that I should. I hold onto that energy until I can release it into something tangible. That might explain a lot.

Dude. Being a serious artist is a lot of work. If I had to do this shit for a living, I would be exhausted. Oh, but what a dream!

Contemplation

*sigh*

Yet another year that I won't be able to kiss my sweetheart on New Years. Maybe Justin wouldn't mind if I found a temporary boyfriend. Only for that one moment.

My dad told me that to do 2 loads of laundry at his hotel in Norway costs $300... and he has the reciept to prove it. wtf is wrong with the world?

()

To know you
is to be consumed by life
in the best possible way.

Sobriety

Eh.

That's what I would describe this birthday past 630pm. Eh.

The day part was fun. My dad woke me up at 730 am to go get breakfast at 9am... yeah. What? Unecessarily early. Had breakfast in Solana Beach -- very good. Then we went to UTC to go do some shopping... then we did some computer related activities in the area, and then met up with my mom for lunch at this lebanese place (which, although looked delicious, I could not eat beyond a nibble of my mom's wrap because I was still so incredibly full from breakfast). Then came home, did some errands..... chilled. Worked on my personal project... ie. my personal pain in the ass project. Fun times though. It's worth it.

Nobody is here really. Zac. I suppose that's it. We went to some friends' place in La Jolla area. Eh. Ok people. nice I suppose. I always get a little depressed on these "aren't you supposed to be happy?" sort of days. It's really because certain people are missing from the picture.

I know this is stupid... but I miss Justin. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. But why should it be stupid? Why must I feel bad about missing and caring for someone that I'm so used to seeing? I feel bad about it... or rather, try to avoid it, because whenever I get to feeling this way, I feel like I'm the only one. And that's not bad! No, not at all! He's at a party I would just *love* to be at, and he's having fun. I like that. But this is when I don't like feeling this way... because I know at this moment he's not missing me like I miss him. I try not to think about it.

oh well. Life. People don't always feel the same way. Can't always expect them to.

He called me today. I felt a bit bad because my cellphone oh so conveniently broke this morning... *sigh* which consequently led me to not receive any of his calls until 8pm. Anyways, the call I did receive was a nice break from hanging out with people I don't know. Haha. I guess that doesn't say much, because I suppose it wasn't -- so I guess it was fitting in the end. I don't really like talking to people when they are at parties. The other person just gets distracted and I just want to be there. "so and so is biting my head! Have to go!" Call me when your sober, please. I suppose I should be happy I got a call at all. I was actually worried that because of the party he'd forget. Haha. There's my faith, huh? Whatever. People have fun and forget.

Ha. I didn't have a drink all day. Funny.

XXI

Happy Birthday to me,
I passed chemistry,
There's no more to sing about,
So I'm going to get drunk.

HEY!

Just kidding on that last one. 830am is a little early, even by my standards. But I *did* pass chemistry! C+. YEAH! I really didn't want to take it again. Really really did not. Oh, I would probably get an A the second time around, but I don't really need to get that huge D+, D, D-, or F on my transcript. I still dream of graduate school, thank you very much. Is there such a thing as an F-? Because I dreamt I got one in that class a few nights ago. It's like, is there anything worse than an F? Can you imagine being so bad in something that the teach had to expand the failing grade -- just for you.

But yeah. Bad dreams lasat night. The Terminator was in one, but he was on my side.... still frightening though.

Snoopy

Back in SD.

I'm getting a haircut this afternoon. We'll see how it goes. I'm a little frightened. I'm getting it cut short, but Ireally don't want to make myself mistaken for a boy more than I already am (it happens a few time as the PD..... but I must give credit to my femininity in that I was always wearing a hat at those times).

*yawn* i've been so exhausted ever since I got here. Aren't I supposed to be relaxed?

We have a really snoopy neighbor. George I'll say his name is... because I think that's what it is. OUr water heater broke a few days ago, so we've had a lot of repairmen come through. And while we were at it, my dad decided to do other work on the house. George seriously WAITS until my dad and I leave the house to go knock on our door (he knows not to deal with my dad). George knocks on our door, my mom answers, and he asks for little pit of milk. What a horrible excuse to knock on a door. Could he *seriously* not think of a better one. my mom is in shock at this awkward moment...... but goes and gets a small paper cup of milk. And then George just keeps asking her about the house and shit! Anyways, he's incredibly awkward, and his tactics were really disgusting. *ugh* So odd.

Must by off! Things to be done....

[cheesy friends theme song]

So I feel better today.

Last night, I was devestated, but my head is together again. As together as it can be I suppose. I moved into my new room (nice!) cleaned, had dinner with Marcin, and hung out at the police station. Officer Scheffler helped me out with my bike situation to figure things out, and I at least feel good. It's so neat to be able to give a police officer all of the information he needs in the way that he like to get it. There's a certan way you tell someone things, such as a subject description, and to just say it how they do over the radio all professional-like is very very cool. I saw my friends Chris tonight. He's a dispatcher, and I never see him anymore. Good guy.

I have such awesome friends. You know, I've been really lucky throughout my life to have generally, very *nice* people as my friends. That may not seem that impressive, but it's so hard to come by smart, funny, NICE people. Everybody has been great, and even though i'm not as close with a bunch of people from the past as to those here in my present-day life, it's all be great. Justin really came through for me. I really just needed someone to talk to, someone I felt comfortable crying next to, and he was that person. I don't get super emotional a lot -- I really try to not (for better or for worse) -- so when it happens, it's because I really am upset. He really cheered me up while not minimizing my anger or sadness. He let me be sad when I needed to be without telling me to stop. He understood that that was what I needed to do. After he calmed me down, we watched a movie (Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark). Then Jason and Bobby and Dominic gave me some drinks and ordered pizza and we played video games. It really helped me out, because shitty stuff happens, and it's nice to have friends that make you feel better.

This is why I like to have guys friends. I think I've enjoyed their perspective on how to handle "emotional" situations. Girls want to talk and talk and hug and hug, and they always want you to say something; and I'm like, "shit! wtf do you want me to say?! get OVER it!" Guys are like, "have a beer," and they'll listen to you, but they won't BS some sort of response. They just say what they think back and then the conversation is over. How many times does a person need to talk about their problems? Geez.

The only thing keeping me from being a lesbian is the fact that I generally hate girls. Oh, and the fact that Justin is one of my favourite people ever. EVER. Lalalalala. All of my friends are so cool. Fuck YEAH!

The Mourning After

So yesterday, my bike got stolen. Yes, my beautiful bike in which I am/was both materialistically and emotionally in love with. It got stolen right before my eyes.

I was riding home from my last day at work in downtown LA this year and got to the bus stop. The bus came, and I placed my bike on the bike rack and got on. I was standing at the front of the bus, and then at the next stop a lot of people got on, so I got pushed towards the back. A seat opened up next to this guy and he pointed at it, so I sat down and busted out my comic book to read and relax for an hour.

Everytime the bus makes a stop, I look at the bike rack.

The bus stopped, no problem. And again a few more times... no problem.

The bus stopped again, and someone approached the bike rack at the front. Now, I got cautious, and I continued watching, but the bus was *so* crowded; you could barely see through the front window because of all of the people (and I wasn't even sitting that far back, and my seat was elevated). I saw a blinky red/amber light as this guy picked up a bike, and placed it in my mind that he was putting his bike in. Why constantly think that everyone in the world is horrible?

The bus stopped again. And suddenly, it occurred to me that before I had placed my bike in the rack, I had forgotten to turn off my back light. That same blinky red/amber light. And I knew it was gone. I didn't have to go up there, but I ran and pushed people out of the way, knowing that I wouldn't see it.

And it was gone. Bam. Nothing. Done. Empty.

I yelled "Fuck" so loud, it was ridiculous. There was nothing I could do. I'm going to file a police report and see if I can get some money from Metropolitan Transit Authority for not providing me a way to actually ensure the safety of my bike. That's all I can do. And even with the police report, my subject description is as follows:

male/mexican/age 32-35/5'4-5'6/155 lbs/black/brown/dark/medium build

Now, if you live in LA or anywhere in Southern California, that description matches anywhere between 20 and 60 percent of the population.

I had never even thought about locking my bike on the rack. Actually, that's a lie. I *had* thought about it last week, and was going to get myself a light chain lock when I go back to SD on Sunday. A little too late, huh?

Some of you ride bikes, some of you don't, but we all have stuff that's of value to us. And maybe this is a pessimisitic view of the world, but maybe for the last few years I've had too much faith in mankind's ability to not directly hurt another person so senslessly. I could understand stealing something from a store, because there is not face. But from a person that you saw on the bus ... you need a certain kind of mind to be like that. Be passively defensive. Just watch your stuff. Don't let your guard down.... just so that people around you know that you are aware. It's pointless to confront someone in downtown LA, because I'm sure he was at least carrying knife. I'm not going to get myself killed over a bike. I'd like to think that my life is worth more than $800, although others may argue differently.

But you know what the worst part was? After it was stolen, I looked back at my seat, and saw that they guy who had offered me the seat was gone. I'm about 80% sure that it was him who I saw taking the bike.

So yeah. Moral? Lock your shit and don't trust the masses.


All I can do is joke that because I'm a victim of a crime, I'm going to turn into a superhero. Bobby says that he could see invisibility and flight as my future powers. That's all that I'm looking forward to right now.

Your Dollars at Work

Today the Environmental Affairs Department had its holiday party. It was actually quite awesome. We went to a nice restaurant and did the whole white elephant thing. It was nice, because everyone was lively, and my side of the long table was cool. Afterwards, we hung out at the bar. I think I drank a whole pitcher of beer. Really. People are much more interesting when they are drunk... and when I'm drunk as well. Speaking of which, is proabably why I'm not hanging out with the rest of the party here right now. I'm not drunk enough to think most of those people are interesting. I'm actually not drunk at all.... which is very far away from having to drink myself asleep to enjoy the company of the ditzy girls and the guy with the stupid hat that he wears crooked on his head.

So anyways, the holiday party. Good times, getting paid, partying, fun fun fun. Conversations were, well, interesting one could say. The EAD in particular seems to hire people of a different color. And yes, the City of Los Angeles is an affirmative action supporter, employer, whatever... but I just meant odd people in general. The only department where a lot of crazies get hire is General Services and probably accountants or something. you have to be a little crazy to do accounting for a living because that shit is booorrring.

Oh. and Half-Life 2 is one of the best games ever.

Bikes and Buses

I gave Justin a present yesterday night. Humble, but it doesn't matter, because I know he liked it. It was this green t-shirt from Threadless that has a bike on it and a reference to it having infinite MPG. Yeah. And I kind of got myself one too, but I didn't tell him that. I just really wanted it too... and yes, I am very frightened at the prospect of us matching one day, because that would be disgustingly cute. And also, the probability of that happening is actually pretty high, considering both of us wear the exact same 7-10 outfits. And I'm overestimating there.

I've discovered a talent of mine: Falling asleep on the bus and waking up at exactly the right time to get off. Sleep maximization. I feel like I'm a marine. The bus driver flipped out on a guy you had a bus-pass but enter through the back. And the old guy that entered through the back started freaking out too, and her was foreign so was yelling. That's what foreign people do. And you couldn't really understand what he was yelling back, but it was a recognizable, poor rendition of something in English. Mind you, this was one stop before I was to get off... so I'm standing just waiting for us to get going so I can get off, and they're yelling at eachother...

The moral is: don't piss off bus-drivers, because they don't have much to lose. They're bus drivers. Their job sucks and they don't care how many buses they have to vear off the side of an highway overpass in order to get fired, but prove a point.

Talk Talk

I would very much like to talk right now. Not just because I'm studying (oh, very well..... yeah)....

I'm in this weird mood to .... not complain or whine... there really must be a better term for it.... talk about some questions? I guessss... Hells if I knows. Come on, give me a nice, impersonally personal AIM conversations. Anyone?

Chem is fun now. I like drawing pretty pictures. Ahhhh.... 1/2 hour before bed and then wake up at 0730. Looking forward to life after school tomorrow. Hopefully one step closer to graduating.

Stuck Next To You...

... like my eyeball to a nail that I pounded into my head after hearing your voice for 10 minutes straight.

I always get stuck next to the most annoying people ever.

Today, before my Ecology final, I sat down at a desk and then got up to go use the restroom. When I returned, the two seats to my left were occupied. The person right next to me was this annoying asian girl who WOULDN'T SHUT UP. And I know by the way she talked that she was just talking to be cool. And even the guy next to her, who was her friend (god, how could you ever deal with that?) told her to shut up because he was trying to study. And she just kept... on... talking..... and she would say things like "Oh, I'm sorry; Are you studying? Lalalalalala I'm stupid lalalalal looooook at meeeeee.... ATTTEEENNNTTTIOOONNN!!!" Ok. Maybe not the last part exactly, but pretty close. What am I? One of those people things... that types in a courthouse? No. No, I am not. Anyways, so I was just insulting her pretty loudly. I've stopped saying mean things under my breath and just say it at a comfortable decible now. I think I get that quality from my mom. Whatever, she was too dumb to notice.

You know, there's been something I've been meaning to write for a while now, but I'm going to hold off until Friday or Saturday. Yeah... that's when I decide whether or not I should write what I want to. I guess it just depends on how things go. Or don't. We'll see.

Damnit. I have to stop waiting on other people. You know, the reason I do this to myself is because I tried and got shot down. More to come on Friday.... or Saturday etc.

Predictions

Come friday: Nothing. I would say that I wouldn't expect anything less, but I suppose that that is impossible. But then again, who knows? I've been suprised in the past.

what else? More emoness? Hopefully it'll end. I hate hating the world. meaning myself. I'm selfish like that.

Done!

First comic done. Officially I suppose. A lot of "official" things are happening tonight. Well, two. This and the fact that I officially hate what I bring upon myself sometimes. *sigh* and I wish that I was talking about finals.

Here it is: (the comic -- not the emotional burden that my life throws at me [which I have recently discovered to have been throwing upon myself... and that's not throwing up ON myself.... that would just be gross.]) Ok. I thin U sucessfully implemented those parentheses.



I'm not so sure about the background colour. Whatever, that's easy to change.

I'll admit it. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable. That's why I laugh at my life so much. You know, the more you get outside of your regular life, the more you experience the world. And it might sound silly, but just riding the bus to and from work over the last few weeks has allowed me to experience it in such an interesting way. I like it.

.... hmm.... I wish someone wouls just call me. I have this nice new phone, and I've gone through the trouble of assigning people pictures to their caller IDs, and well, nobody is calling me. I'll tell myself it's because it's finals rather than because people want to spite me. Oh, the spite....

I want to draw a comic about a blue whale giving birth to two elephants. Must.... resist....

Check Your Sched

Woke up today around 9am, which would give me about 8 hours of stuyding time before my stats final at 630pm. Earlier today, I thought I would check which room the test was going to be in. Moore 100. Also listed: the time. 3pm-6pm. Oh. Interesting. Thank god I checked, eh?

haha. My min dhad shifted ALL of my final schedules forwards 3 hours. That would have been bad.

So to all of you in college, check your schedule because you may be more stupid than you think.

i hate me.

it's true.

fuck everything.

Catch a Cookie

Haha. Life is entertaining.

You know, I really like Kaki King. I was listening to some of her music, and it's quite chill.

I think I might be coming down with a bit of a cold. Hopefully it'll go away. I need to be as healthy as possible this week.

All I want to do is wor on my godamn comic. That's why I didn't bring my computer to Justin's. I need to focus on other things... like school...... so as you can see, I'm finding other ways to distract myself over the course of my stay here. Actually, I get good studying done here. Not as good as when I'm at starbucks, but better than when I'm in my room.

God, I want a cookie.

Community Service Pending

Well, I did something rather exciting today. I digitized one panel of a comic strip that Bobby and I did. Well, on this one... it was mostly me. Ok, it was pretty much me. We truy to share the writing but I was so damn tired of studying one day that I bust 5 comics out. Damn. Anyways, we're planning on putting them up online at a webcomic hosting place, so I'll be sure to post the website up here and on facebook one we have the first strip completely ready -- which looks like it won't hapen until about Thursday or Friday of this coming week. I'm really excited though. I love this shit.

Here's my first panel. Granted, it's not one of the best drawings that I've done. Oh, definitely not -- but it looks cool with colour. It's a little to cartoonish for my taste, but at least it didn't take me an hour to draw like the first comic we did. Jesus. I'm so happy that I've got the characters down now. At least Bobby, Justin and I. Camios and random people are yet to be mastered. Well, feast your eyes on a colour version:



Apparently, Blogger does not appreciate pdf format. Jpg it is then.

Progress made in art and chemistry. Life is looking up.

I'm Just Going to Have To Wait

In approximately 1 year, 3 month, and 8 days ... give or take a couple of days, I will know.

I will know so much.
But most importantly, I will know something that I have been wondering for years now:

If it's been *me* all of this time, or if I was making the right choices all along.

I Do Declare

Who could say that they would never want it?

Damnit. Instigate "not caring" mode now, please, Susanne.

What a long long time.

Comic Relief

I know this is corny, but I get such a good feeling from making people laugh.

Today, Jack said he loved the comic Bobby and I make, and then when Peter saw our new ones, he cracked up. Seems like they are a real hit at station. Even in class, random people looking at my stuff while sitting next to me have made comments about how funny they are. And then there was that oen guys at the coffee shop who was just weird ... but he liked it too!

Riding back with Bobby today, we joked how maybe we should quit school and pursue a career in comics. It was a joke, but on the inside, we wish that we could.

Ahhh!! i love it! I want to set up a website so that we can get press cards for ComiCon in the in the summer. Really though, it's nice to feel talented at SOMETHING. Seriously, school doesn't do much in the self-esteem arena for me (besides ecology and math)... so it's nice to have something on the side that I feel like I'm doing a good job at.

I've Realized It

I think I get it. I think I understand why such a large part of me is so happy and so frustrated at the same time.

It's because I allocate so much of my time towards being happy about it, and I'm not sure you even care. I suppose the problem isn't in what I'm doing, but what it is that I just don't know.

One of these days I'm going to figure life out, and at that moment, I'm pretty sure life is going to take me away.

Update I Suppose

Hello there.

Well, it's been a busy last few days. I've had to get so much done. When I was in SD I got some photos developed, but randomly, the machine didn't print on of them. so, I went to the Longs here to get it printed. I had gone on Saturday... walked all the way over there, to have them say come back on Monday when a photo-tech is there. I came back Monday, and well, it was worth it. I could say that the picture turned out quite nicely.

I went to the Ecology Department yesterday to ask them some questions abou the Filed Biology Quarter. I'm hoping to go to Nicaragua in the Spring. It's actually a much more selctive process that I thought... only 15 people get to go. Ouch. And it's for 20 days, not the whole quarter (bummer). But still. Lowland Tropical Rainforest? How could I ever complain?

Gotta run. Presenting a project today. With the idiots. Fun.

J

I'm not a very big fan of jealousy, but I get that way sometimes. I suppose we all want something more than what we have, no matter how much we want. We can't have everything, so someone is bound to have something that you don't have and that you want.

I hate wanting something that I know I could have ... and that maybe I could try hard to get it, but naw, it's not happening.

I'm not saying anything.

Push(me)over

I officially did not allow myself to become a push-over today. Aren't you so proud? Not that I consider myself to be one, but I came very close to crossing that line ealier tonight.

Brett (he's a CSO supervisor at the UCPD) called me earlier in the night and asks me if I could take his gf somethings that she left with him. Probably while they were rejoicing about Jesus together or some shit like that. I was hesitant to agree but I said ok thinking that he would just be outside of my apartment and wanting me to simply run them up to her room (she lives in the same building as I do). I was just about to enter Justin's building, so the thought of walking half a block to meet him was annoying, but whatever. Anyways, so I agree and then he tells me he's a ucking substation in Covel. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.AHH!! Blatant taking-advantage-of right there. WTF she couldn't meet him and he doesn't even HAVE to be a substation then. He's not the reshall supe. God, he's so annoying. He did something that involved him and his gf, something simple like being forgettful, and for some reason he's trying to drag me into it. Who the fuck does he think i am? So I told him to go fuck himself. Actually, I liked and said that I had something to do. Good enough. But really, he pisses me off a lot. I don't think he's a good supervisor at ALL. Yup. There, I said it. Haha. I say it to Bobby all of the time. Brett is a terrible supervisor. All he does is shuttle his gf/wife/object around and doesn't visit his units, and is possibly on of the most impersonable people I have met -- suprising when your job is based solely upon person interactions with people.

But really Brett, go fuck yourself. Haha. Except you won't because your so born-again it's disgusting. Well, maybe you need to do it to get that stick out from you ass.

:-P

That felt good. Realizing I'm too nice to people sometimes, and that I need to stop, makes me feel good.... yup.

Lead Me To The Mexicans

I've realized that I need Mexicans in my life. Their food is so damn good. I love riding through Korea Town and Los Angeles seeing all of the food booths set up. The hot dogs, fruit, and pupuserias. Delicious.

I was riding into downtown today and I was so hungry. I stopped to eat a hotdog wrapped in bacon and covered in ketchup, mustard, and onions.

So damn good. So good. And I'm having tamales for dinner. So good. Oh god, so good.

Oh. Abrupt change of topic -- i need to figure out a way to not fail chemistry.

Good Lines

"I could tell, watching the two of them in the corner over there, that neither of them wanted to interrupt a perfectly wonderful moment with the thought of love."