Teabagged

I nearly flipped a shit today.
I had chem lab. We actually did this pretty neat experiment where we extracted caffiene from tea. It was a group project, meaning that we had partners. It is a 3 day lab, with today being the second day. Last Friday was the first.

It started Friday. The first thing you do is brew tea. You have to bring the water to a boil, which takes forever on the tuff hot plates we use, and then soak the tea for 10 minutes, and then repeat the whole process. After the tea soaks you have to gently squeeze out the moisture in the bag, without ripping the bag. If you do, you have to start over. I didn'r rip it... she did. So that as the beginning. But in the end, it turned out ok; we were just behindeveryone else by about 15 minutes.

Today we had to finish up what we didn't have time to do that day. It was a series of boilings, evaporations, adding things, decanting, evaporating, etc. etc. In the end, you have to finish by evaporating acetone from the caffiene product. We were maybe 1 minute away from finishing... when she spilled it.

But you know what. I had looked over and anticipated that she was going to spill it. I knew it, I and put my hand out and caught the beaker the moment in fell over, so only about half fell out.

Oh, I didn't talk to her for the rest of the lab period.

And I don't even want to talk about the second half of the lab period. Let's just say that I hate melting points.

Word Processing

I've realized that I have begun to place more emphasis on words than on the picture itself ... the "big picture," if you will. I'm going to try to stop this.

Words are limitations; they have concrete meanings. So why push to use words to describe something that is beyond them? That you always want to feel is beyond them? I'm just going to let everything flow as it is, and let the words find their natural place and the time that it is right.

And anyways, they are so much better when they happen unexpectedly.

Oh to be a "Someone"

I'm studying in Keckhoff Hall right now. Justin and I were here earlier. The table we were sitting at did not have adequate outlet access, but it was the only place where the two of us could sit together. After he left, I decided that I would move to a table by an electrical outlet. There was one seat availble at a table where one girl was already sitting. I walked on over there... and you know, I got the feeling like she was the type of person to get bitchy. I really did. And I in face called it. I put my things on the table, and she looked up and said, "someone is actually going to be sitting there, " giving me this smirk face.

I wanted to say, "When? Like, ever? Or like now, when I sit in it?"
But I didn't. I always ask myself why I don't say these beautiful things.

So I moved elsewhere. I had to get to an outlet, so I seeing as there were no tables available, I opted for a lounge chair. Comfortable though it may be, I really wanted a table.

I watched the table where she sat. In fact, no one came. For and hour. Then she left. Maybe it was her imaginary friend.

I hate people.

Procrastination Pedigrees

I have a midterm tomorrow at 5pm. Much of it is going to be easy, some of it might be a little challenging. Not so much because of the material.... more because I have barely studied for it. I just need to do more problems. I have about andother 1/2 hour tonight before I sleep, and then I'll wake up nice and early tomorrow. Whatever, it's genetics. Easy stuff right now.

Sometimes i really wonder what I do with my time.
Ok, I'm going to give msyelf credit. i did in fact do a lot of important things this weekend. I caught up... kind of... on a lot of reading. Excuses, excuses.

Hardwork often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Naggermeister

I ran into Peter earlier this week, and we talked for about an hour. We talked about video games and we talked about school. He told me that his gf Alex and he always try to remind each other that they have work to do. They look out for each other. Because they care. They each care about the other succeeding and doing well.

Well. I tried that with Justin today. I got a defensive reply about how I shouldn't tell him what to do, and that I should stop "nagging." That's when I left his apartment. Oh, the only reason I left was because I didn't want to get mad at Justin in front of Bobby. I just *care* that's all. ok? It seems like everytime I've called him at his apartment in the last two week he's been playing video games. And when he's not playing videogames at his apartment, he's been working Frank 1 or Robert 1. I know it's his life, but I just care. I care about the fact that he's not doing his work, and that he doesn't know when his midterms are.... I just do. And I'm not the only one.

So forget it. He can do whatever the fuck he wants, because I'm not his keeper. I just thought we were at the point where we can give eachother non-aggressive reminders, and encouragement. I guess I was wrong.

Fun Police

I think that the whole world is against me having fun tonight.

1.) Justin and Bobby decided to go to Peter's to play some osr tof fo super-smash-something-deluxe sort of game --- without telling me. You know, I totally understand that guys need to hang out with each other sometimes, but it would have been nice to get a call... especially in return to my calls .... so that I could have tried to plan something else.

2.) Movie? Sure! It's Oscar time and all of tmy facourite movies which my friends say without me are back in theatres again! Time to catch up! All of the movies that I wanted to see however, were not playing after 530pm. I didn't even allow transportation to be an issue. Pasadena? Sure!

3.) Music. Yeah. That became more of a transportation issue, coupled with the fear of having someone unexpected see me alone... at a concert.

4.) Um. I should have signed up for a shift tonight.

Well, at least my Batmand novels came in today. I already ready one. I'm going to read the sequel now I suppose. And I might as well practice music or something... and paint. Whatever. Low Key night.

30-min Smoothie

Today it was hot. I craved Jamba Juice for about half the day... or a smoothie in general. Here Downtown, we don't have a Jamba Juice -- we have a Robek's (which I think is so much better anyways). There just happened to be a nutritional guide/menu on my desk when I came into work this afternoon, so I cracked it open to try and decide what I wanted.

I knew I wanted something with yogurt in it, that offered the least amount of calories and the most nutrition. So I looked at the menu. Some of the smoothies that interested me where only available in 24 and 32 oz servings. I debated getting a 24oz serving, just to get the smoothie that I wanted, but no... the extra calories! It was unnecessary since I had already had a sandwich and carrots for lunch to get something that was the caloric equivalent of a meal (~400 cal). Plus, I really can't drink that much of the same thing... except if it's beer. Yeah, I can drink a lot of beer.

I think I spent a total time of about half-an-hour debating, and then I decided. I would head down to Robek's and get myself their Pomegranate Passion.

Instead I went to Carl's Junior and got myself a mint-chip milkshake... that has whipped cream on it. I really wanted ice cream. Oh, Susanne.

Do You Believe in Magic?

Justin really needs to stop calling me the second before I push "publish" after I write an extensive entry bitching about him in someway, and somehow completely going against what I wrote about, and THUS placing me in the position to not publish something that holds untruths.

Today, I read an article in the New York TImes about people's beliefs in magic. It was really interesting. Might as well give you the link:

here

It attempted to bring light to superstition, and that although we are able, from as early as age 3 years, to differentiate between reality and mysticism, we still hold such "irrational" values towards magic. It is brought up that we as humans overestimate our abilities to control things with our minds (an example would be: focusing your energy on your home team winning the game, only to have them lose, and feeling as though you are somehow responsible for their loss to some extent). And it is because we are constantly so exposed to our own thoughts that they are most prominent to us, and thus we overestimate our mind's connection to the outside world. The article goes on to talk about some of the evolutionary and social implications such beliefs have on individuals and society. By overestimating our abilities to control our world with our wishes, we have a more optimistic view towards life. It was actually a really interesting read.

And somehow, I too often find myself taking coincidence for more than what it is. To me, it can be taken as a "sign." I don't know why I believe in those things, but sometimes... well... simply put .... it's fun. And eerie. When such things happen enough, we begin to wonder what the hell is really going on, because the probabilities of simulataneous occurances seems so small.

It's silly, but the fact that Justin called at that very moment ... when he did, I knew it was him before I even started to reach for my phone across my desk; it had to be. What other person could call and make the moment so ... so perfectly cyclical in nature? I find the whole "optimism" thing to be pretty true. What can I say? It made me not care about stupid things. That in fact represent quite a deal of what I ever want out of life.

Success.

Taxonomy

I've realized that whenever I think about Natural History Museums, the first thing that comes to mind is a stuffed badger. You know, they always have the still-life exhibits behind glass with the fake plants, stuffed animals, and poorly rendered background painting. I always liked those things. Why a badger? I still don't really know. I think it's because at every exhibit there is a guaranteed badger.

Just try to prove me wrong.

Monthiversaries (A Commentative Reflection)

You know what I hate?
Monthiversaries.
Wtf are those ABOUT?

This girl at the police deptartment sent out an email over the list-serve asking to get a shift covered. It went something like this: "Hi guys, I'm not going to be in town on Sunday, it's my monthiversary with my boyfriend, so I'd really appreciate it if you guys would help me out with my shifts (of which I have two)."

And then, when nobody was repsonding the way she would have like them to, she sent out another email, as such:
"PLEASE GUYS, help me out. It's my monthiversary (11 months), and it's be great if I didn't have to freak out about two shifts."

And I guess people still weren't repsonsive enough, so again:
"Please!! I only need UNEX West covered this Sunday, 1200-1815. It's my Monthiversary!! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!! It's a chill shift, you can study and make money at the same time... Please help me out guys."

Ok. 11 months? Are you fucking kidding me? What, you guys like celebrate every week together?"
"Oh Joe, I can't believe we made it through another week! It's so amazing! I hope we make it through another so you can buy me dinner and presents even more! Wow. Relationships are hard. They hurt my brains. I mean brain! Ha! That was funny! You see, because I said it plural but hahaha, get it?!"

Seriously. 11 months? I could understand MAYBE 6 months. Hell, Jbell and I didn't celebrate. And a MONTH certainly would never count. i'm pretty sure that even the worst of relationships would make it through a month, because even after the first few dates, a person could feel really hestitant to break up with the other. A 1-year anniversay? Sure. Why not. That's a more significant milestone at least. But what is with the random month? It's like she and her bf are so insecure about the quality and status of their realtionship that they have to celebrate everyday that they didn't break up.

Give me a break.

Open Up

It interesting. I was revisiting the haunted memories of my mind, and was reading a lot of my old post during an ... eh... let's say "interesting"... or maybe "fucked up" part of of life. And besides that, I found a lot of posts that haven't been posted. They all begin with something along the lines of "I'm going to try to be more open in my posts" or "I'm beginning to realize the importance of being honest and open here." Yeah. That worked out well didn't it?

I actually just wrote one of those types about 20 minutes ago. Should I post? Let's say, I don't know... 8 people have to say "yes?" That seems impossible enough for my liking. I don't know how many different people decide to muddle their lives up with my daily events and thoughts, but it can't be more than 5. Safe.

Gamez0r

I hate videogames. Yes. I hate them.
Ok, I don't really hate them all that much.

I think what gets to me is how videogames transcend regular entertainment to become something that people live within. That's all people end up doing. It seems to drain life rather than enhance it when you play in such large doses. What's so great about it? Yeah, it's fun to play for a little bit ... but what sort of memories are created from just gaming? I don't understand.

Maybe people just hate this life.

Overexposure

Goddamnit.
Even with having my own room now, I sitll don't feel like I have the appropriate amount of privacy. It's like, Soha came into my room, and there are these personal items of mine lying around (not like clothes, but .... personal things) and I just feel so ackward now that she mighthave seen them. AHSHDHRFHDSHDSAKHF

I jsut need to hit something. Excuse me.

I actually know for sure that these are my hormones working. FUCKFSKCK

My Latest Obsession

I'll admit it: I get lost in fantasy worlds of mine. It's so much fun being within them that I could just pretend forever. I always end up snapping myself out of them -- I kind of need to do that in order to function in the real world -- but I end up being so incredibly happy for such a long time afterwards; those thought must release so many endorphines in my brain. God, it's like a drug. Anyways, I often pretend that these fanstasies could in fact become real. Haha. Oh, silly me. Dreams? Coming true? Preposterous! Recently (I know it's silly), but I've become obsessed with the idea of being a hollywood actor. How could I *not* be? I think I get more like this around award-show times. I hate watching them, but I love the red-carpets. All of that glamour... that fun job ... to get to travel places. I have really begun to see what drives people to pursue that life.

Well, I go on Craigslist once in awhile to check out auditions. haha, why not, eh? I found this one today:

*******
Ticket to Heaven Seeking all actors. Low Budget & skeleton crew

This movie is a thriller with a twist.

Story: Terri is kidnapped by an ex-doctor who lost his practice and wife. The kidnapper uses her as a lab rat by testing a new date-rape drug and demands the lottery ticket she has just won. Terri always has issues in trusting any man including her current boyfriend, Shane. While locked away in a dungeon, Terri tries to figure out wether Shane has anything to do with the kidnapping. As she gets drugged and left in the dark alone, she either hallucinates from the drugs or encounters reals ghosts.

Please feel free to visit my site for more information. You can submit a reel, resume, headshots, download scenes to record audition, and upload them. http://www.redmoonlight.com/Ticket/main.html

Shooting may start in Feb. There's no pay but we will supply a deal memo for you to get paid when sold. The director is an editor as well who has an editing studio. This project will not be sitting in a can waiting for post production.

**************

I'm sorry -- but the plot-line is horrible... and very indecisive.

Oh, the dream continues.

Sun or Snow

It snowed yeterday.... here... in LA.
Today I wore flip-flops, shorts, and a t-shirt.

wtf.
Can't say that I don't find it entertaining.

Fe-Flakes

Yesterday I made myself a bowl of cereal. Smartstart. I like that stuff.

I was eating it and saw a flake with black stuff on it. You might assume, oh, it's a burnt flake. But the uniform circular pattern of the blackness intrigued me. I decided to investigate further.... meaning look at it.

It was shiny. One could say... METALLIC.

It looked like a piece of iron. Fe. The good stuff that they pack cereal with. I swear to god, cereal must now by %80 Iron. And it did in fact turn out to be a piece of Iron that had not gotten mushed up properly. I tested it. I took a magnet to the flake, and it in picked it up.

It was an entertaining way to start my morning. Although, entertaining as it was, I decided not to eat it. That cannot be healthy for you.

Thanks Hal

I've been losing track of time recently, so I now have my computer to verbally remind me on the hour, just what time it is. Except it's this creepy robotic voice that suprises me everytime that I hear. Why I chose what I feel to be a "creepy" voice is beyond me. There *were* other options. Anyways. It's 8 o'clock pm right now.

Mothery Excuses

My mom is coming up tomorrow to visit me. This is good for a variety of reasons.

1.) She is bring me food
2.) She is taking me grocery shopping
3.) She has provided me with an excuse to come home tonight.

I was over at Justin's and at around 1215am 20 people show up. That was the time I wanted to leave so as to return to my own apartment, so I could get up early to meet my mom ... and not spend part of my day with her with a huge hangover. I was happy, because it gave me the opportunity to leave a situation I don't tend to have fun in. If there are too many people that don't interest me, then I usually don't have a good time. And anyways, I'm the type of person who like to drink with friends. Being around other people while they are drinking makes me realize why I don't consider them to be part of my group of friends in the first place.

I really can't wait to see my mommy. I like her. She's fun.

And all I have is cereal and brocolli... and carrots.

Forced Serendipity

Yesterday, I woke up and said to myself: "I am not going to see Justin today." Not as a general comment, but more as a daily resolution. Since the both of us have been back, we've spent a lot of time with eachother -- which is great, don't get me wrong. If it was my choice, we'd spend more time together. It's been so nice to see him, and we've definitely taken advantage of the fact that this has been the first week of school and that it's only going to get busier from here. Later on, we go days without communicating ... and that's cool with me. When we have our own shit to do, cool, do it. People don't need to always be surrounded by each other ... although it IS nice. :-D All in all, I thought it best if I made a consious attempt to not cling to his presence.

But anyways, continuing on.

I had to go to Westwood yesterday to pick up a reader for a class and run some errands. While I was down there I thought, "Oh! Justin is getting out of school at 1215 from Bunche Hall. I should go meet him!" But immediately, I stopped myself from continuing the thought -- "THE RESOLUTION, SUSANNE! He'll think you're CREEPY!" So I continued on my errand business. And then I realized: I DID in fact need to go to that VERY building. I needed to take care of some academic administration that day. But still... must not see Justin.

And I get up there, and I think .... I'm going to wait for Justin. Haha. Oh, it only goes downhill from here.

I run into my friends Jack and we get a talking, and then I see Justin, and say to Jack, "gotta go! Justin! must catch up to him!"

And I ran. Panting, I frightened him. I also run very loudly. Yeah, I don't have indian blood in me at all. I sound like Link with his metal boots on. Seriously.

I told him how I had resolved to not see him that day.

He was incredibly impressed at how big of a failure I was. REALLY impressed.

And then we walked and talked, and I bought him a lollipop.

Later that evening, I went to the library, and ended up talking to some CSOs there. Then he came by, cause he was Frank1 that night. He gave me a ride home. He said I was a even bigger failure at avoiding him by that point.

:-)

I can't avoid coincidence, you know.

We Can Work it Out

I went to the gym yesterday, which is in fact a very odd occurance. I hate the gym. Well, to be specific I hate the UCLA gym. Sure, it 's great to go racquetballing or rockwall climbing... but otherwise there are just so many people that it kind of grosses me out.

First, I went to go lift weights. This lasted about 5 minutes when I realized that most of the machines had a base-level weight of more than I could lift on any limb on my body. I took off my grey hoodie, and quickly realized that my intention of remaining non-chalant was difficult due to the highlighter-yellow wife-beater I was wearing. Oh well. It's all that I had!

Second, I went to treadmill. It went fine I guess... meaning that I didn't trip on it -- which has in fact happened a few times before (3).

Then I did the elliptical trainer. I got on the machine that I saw available, and immediately was told to get off of it by staff because I hadn't waited in line. So i got off, got in line, and they called my name ... so I went on the machine I had gotten on in the first place.

People watch odd tv at the gym. I would like to think that this is not normally their repetoire of television in real-life (the gym is actually more of a pseudo-virtual place, hoovering somewhere in between reality and illusion. People are trying so hard to be someone that they currently aren't ... I find it disturbing). In fact, the tv is horrible, and at times what I consider to be masochistic. You have people watching fox news, sports, sex & the city, and the food network. Oh -- and celebreality shit on VH1. Sports is the only thing in that list that is acceptable. And who the fuck watches food network while gyming? And fox news? You have to really hate a part of yourself to do that.

So yeah, I'm not sure how likely it is I'll ever go back there. Maybe Justin will want to do the wall this weekend. That would be fun. All the rock climbers think they are so much cooler than everyone. And they are... I'll admit it. At least your doing something... not flailing your limbs wildly whlie remaining in the same spot.

Jealousy

I am jealous. We've been over this before, haven't we?

Justin has the new MacPro Laptop.
100 GB of hard drive
Built-in web cam.
Photobooth

.... *sigh*.... backlit keyboard keys.

So very very sad.
I want things.
:-)

What?

Justin just called me:
"Susanne, I gotta go really quick, but don't pick me up from the airport -- I got a ride."

"Um ... ok."

"K, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye."


I was going to pick him up? Haha. I didn't even know what time he was coming. I'm still in SD. haha.
Cool. I would have been screwed if he was expecting me.

Sicko

I'm sick

God.... damnit

And this is in addition to the mental sickness I usually have. This is like blah sick.

It's my vengence.

Foster Care

I think I'm going to join some sort of FosterCare for girlfriends.
I'm pretty neglected here.
My excitement is beginning to wain. Wain? Is that correct?
Yes, yes I believe it is.

Oh! oh! oh yeah, there is goes.
g o n e

I drew a cool picture of catwoman today.
I felt that this entry needed to end on a positve note.

Everyone is Going Somewhere

My dad left for Norway today. Gone for a while. I won't be seeing him until my Spring Break in ... March? I think it's the end of March. That'll be nice. I've never flown alone however (yet alone on an international level), so we'll see how that goes. This holiday season has been nothing short of crazy. So much has gone on, that school is beginning to seem like my long-awaited break. My parents have been so stressed out, that I've been trying my best to ease it by keeping the house clean, minding my attitude, and generally trying not to piss them off. So many things in our house broke, and my dad had to deal with all of that; my mom has a really stressful job, and she doesn't know what to do. It's hard. And things are more difficult when another person is in another country months at a time. I wish I could visit my mom more, but I'm usually so busy. I'm taking fewer classes this quarter, so hopefully that will allow for me to come down a couple times.

I'm just so happy to go back to UCLA at this point. I need to see my friends again, and the lack of Wii in my life has made my existence seem pointless at times.

I sent Justin a letter. Hopefully it'll arrive today. I hope I hope I hope. I love writing letters because I'm always so excited to get one, that I just assume that everyone else holds that same amount of excitement as well. Let's see.. I sent it out on Sunday night, but the post office doesn't work Sunday and it didn't work that Monday... so it got sent out Tuesday, that's one day, two days, three days, ... today is the 4 business day, so it should have gotten there yesterday or today.

I don't want to go to the gym. I don't I don't I don't.

Damnit. I'm going.

Wrinkle Toes

Today I woke up at 12noon.
That usually means you had a good time the night before.
Yup.

Saw some friends. Sat ina hot tub for 3.5 hours. By the end, my feet were painfully wrinkly. I really wanted to get out.
So we went to Denny's --- my least favourtie restaurant-like establishment ever. I didn't order anything because I refuse to support sucha business (actually, I just forgot my wallet... and I was really hungry), but we chilled until 230am.

Our waitress was really odd. She was the kind of waitress who wanted to let you know that she hated her job. Well, she works at Denny's on the overnight shift, what do you expect?

Vintage Racism

I just noticed this:

I subscribe to a vintage cartoon podcast, and next to allof them is the "explicit" warning. These are Looney Toons and Superman, and a little bit of Casper and then other miscellaneous cartoons. They totally have to advise viewers for the racist animation of the villians. They're always this japanese character half of the time.

Haha. That makes me laugh.

lalaLaura

Yesterday was exciting. I saw my old friend Laura. I really hadn't hung out with her since my Freshman year at UCLA when she came up ... down, rather... from Berkeley to visit another friend of hers. We just talked for a couple hours, with reruns of a Project Runway marathon playing quietly in the background... but it was nice. It was nice to see how she was doing, WHAT she was doing, etc.

I was so giddy going over to her house. Haha. It felt like a first date. She said she might come up from SD to LA for a little while to visit this other girl, and that we could hang out. That would be nice. It really awesome, because I hadn't seen her for 2 years and then I do... and it's cool. Everything is fine. We can joke about stuff and talk. The only difference was that she had a dog. That liked to like molecules off of my face. So cute. So soft. I want a dog, but it's cats for me until I get a yard of my own.

Strangest New Year's Eve.R

My friends and I decided to have a bonfire at La Jolla Shores.
Ian and Zac get to the beach at 9am to reserve a spot ... and 2 hour shifts are taken by certain people (I did 11am-1pm) to make sure our spot was claimed. Yeah. All of that was completely unecessary considering that bonfires aren't so popular duing the winter. I guess people start rolling in to the beach around 530pm. I got there at 6pm.

I get there and Zac and Scott get a call from Ian.

Ian had been in charge of the sound system for the evening. He brought speakers and iPod.... but forgot one necessary cable. He decided to go back to his house to go get it, using Zac's car. On the way back however, Zac's transmission broke.... leaving Ian stranded on the side of the highway before the Genessee Exit. Zac goes to rescue his car and Ian with Scott and his gf Heather driving him.



So now the bonfire crowd is Eric and Mel, and three girls the three of us don't know because they were Zac's friends. Yup. I entertained myself at least. It was at least warm.

We break it off at around 8pm, deciding to delay festivities until Zac and Ian were good to go with a car. I head back home for an hour to chill.

I get a call from Zac say that he and Ian are going to pic me up at my house and that there is going to be a sleepover at his place. Sweet. So I grab my stuff, get picked up, and head to Ralphs to go buy alcohol. When we got there, there were only little carts. It felts odd pushing around a child's cart full of alcohol.



And then we don't head over to Zac's place. No, we go over to the house of these two girls in Pacific Beach. Random. Whatever. We go, it's fun. I wasn't in so much of a drinking mood. I just had a glass of the champagne I brought (very good), a beer during our drinking game, another half a beer at some point, and a taste of the god-awful champagne that Ian bought at Ralphs only because it's large size was such a novelty. (FYI, don't ever buy Korbels)

And then came a natural point during the night that occurs with the group composition of 2 single guys, 2 single girls, and one, very happily taken girl.... the 5th wheel effect. Haha. It's cool. Whatever. I mean, it would have been nice to cuddle with someone, but I'll let the 4 of them cuddle amongst themselves.

I pushed two chairs together to make a pseudo-bed, and went to sleep. They can have their beds and futons to themselves.

But it was fun. It was nice to have place to hang out, and friends to be with. Even though a few friends were lame and the bonfire and decided to ditch the rest of us. *ahem*

Hooray for the new year. I won't be used to writing "2007" for about a month.

Resolution? Let's see....

Make myself a larger priority? Maybe, give myself more time to do things that I really love ... and not bog myself down with school and work.

Oh. And eat more cake. That should be an easy one to keep.