then comes marriage

ok people. what's the deal with eveyone getting married all of the sudden? It seems like everywhere I turn, people are tying the knot. And half of them aren't even done with college yet. It's so weird to me.

I was talking to Vicki about it. We both think it's odd. I guess people choose marriage because they aren't really sure what else to do. How much committment is someone willing to make in terms of either moving in with someone -- possibly to a different city or state -- or to have a long-distance relationship. I'd say most younger couples these days meet at school, and that it just becomes more difficult (although not impossible) to meet people. But people who miss their chance there still have another opportunity when they're 28-30 years old, when a good portion of out-of (or in) -college marriages fall apart. Come on -- it's bound to happen. She thought it was funny when I told her that.

Marriage doesn't freak me out or anything; it's just odd starting to see people do that. I guess the same thing is going to happen once people start getting preggers and start popping out baby heads from their vages. But then again, I've always thought babies were weird.

Glare Into My Eyes.

It's been kin dof a long day. Justin left for Minnesota this morning. I got up at 6am to drive him to the Flyaway bus that leaves from westwood to LAX at 630am. I think we missed it by a few minutes. He was just going to hang around for the 7am one, but I thought that was kind of stupid so I drove him. It took 20 minutes to get there but 1 hour, 15 minutes to get back. *sigh*. I really hate driving in LA. It's such a pain.

He called me this afternoon when he got ot MN, telling me he forgot his computer charger, and asked me if I could mail it overnight to him. I biked down to the USPS office on campus (because it closed in 30 minutes from that time) to mail it. I was carrying my bike up the couple of flights of stairs to the student union, and there was this girl sitting there at the top of the stairs by the doors. She looked like she was trying to hard to be cool by being arsty, with here short, overly styled, platnium blonde hair, a black bobby pin holdin gher bangs at just the right angle. She gave me the dirtiest look. I have no idea why! Maybe she could read the judgements of here in my mind. She glared at me the entire time I was walking up the stairs with my bike. And then, as I was opening the door, I caught a glance behind me, and saw she was still glaring.

I don't get it. Why do some people have this constant look of being pissed at people on their faces? It's so ugly.
I should have glared back.

Asian Nights

so last night was the first time my ID was checked at a japanese restaurant. I'm telling myself the reason is because Justin looks younger than 21. Me? I'm good. I look like 40 or something.

Went out for sushi and sake with justin last night. Yum.
Raspberry Mocha Frap? yum.
"The Host," a Korean Sci-fi/monster flick, supposedly really good? Um... could use some improvements. It was the "talk of the 2006 Cannes International Film Festival." Guess they really are a silent bunch up there.

I missed class today. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with the 8am schedule all the time. Shit. Whatevs, yo.

Tonight I have to study shit. I have a debate tomorrow concerning whether or not animals are "stuck in time" or can "mentally time travel." Yup. I'm on the negative side of this one. I hate debates. Whatever, I'm just getting it over with.

lock the door next time

so yesterday night, I got drunk. I'll be honest here. I really wanted to have a good time. I went to a party at my friend vicki's apartment where, for a long time, she was the only one I knew -- and I just wanted to socialize. Meet some new people.

I guess it was mostly because I hadn't drank for a long time. That coupled with the fact that I wanted to drink for the same reason, proved to not be a good combination.

And yes, it resulted in my throwing up.
Which is normal. Well, not entirely *abnormal* at least. It happens.

But what was odd for me was that it was the first time that I ever got sad while drunk. I was so happy the entire evening, and then it was like this mask had been lifted off of me, and I just felt very alone, and very sad. And it became so frustrating when everyone wanted to help me... I was fine. I knew how my body was. I was a little dizzy, but I knew I wasn't going to throw up anymore, and I just wanted everyone to leave me the fuck alone so I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do -- whether that meant staying on the bathroom floor for a bit, the whole night, or cleaning myself up at my pace. But instead, I had to have a group of four people coming asking my if I was ok all the time (yes, I'm the fuck ok. will you go now?), and then Adria came in from down the hall, and then said Justin was coming. And really, and that point, he was the last person I wanted to see.

Everyone just kept badgering me, and I didn't understand why they wouldn't just leave me alone, and I kept telling them to go away, because I just wanted to be left alone, and I remember crying a little, and it was as if all these feelings I've had over the last week just exploded out of me. It was terrible. It was beautiful. It was personal, and why the fuck couldn't people just disappear for 15 minutes?

Maybe people thought I wasn't acting/thinking rationally -- but I was. No matter what state I'm in, my mind is always fine. I can hear everything people are saying, I understand what's going on. My thoughts aren't blurred. Hell, I was speaking clearly too. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? That's all I wanted to be.

Everything just made me realize how much sadness and worry still lives within me.

Now I Understand

So I fully understand now why so many people hate going to the dentist. To be honest, I've had good dentists over the course of my life, and never really minded a trip -- even after a couple root canals and crowns... but now -- now I know.

First of all -- searching for a dentist. I called a few places... one woman I called freaked out. She answered the phone and became really excited that I called and wanted all my information right away. When I said I was still looking around, she got really upset saying that she "felt like [she] was failing me." No excuse I could give her would get her off the phone with me. She kept saying that celebrities came into the office all the time, and that she was the most convenient for me. She was freaking out! And then she dropped the bombshell -- that she was the only one working the office -- she was the receptionist, dental hygienist, and the dentist. Freaking loony. I had to lie and say that I would call her back in an hour (but she still penciled me in).

SO I finally choose a dentist. I took the bus down Santa Monica Blvd., fearing that the place would be a hole-in-the-wall shit-can place, so I was relieved to see it was at least in a UCLA affiliated medical office building.

When I got there, the receptionist was dressed in a slutty-short mini-dress with high heals, and she told me the dentist was running late on appointments. When I finally go to the dental seat and laye down, the bib was placed on me, but the hygienist came in and told me that the receptionist needed me... so I got up and walked over there (like they couldn't have just *asked* me how to spell me mom's name...)

The dentist was kind of crazy, but at least he had a dental degree from UCLA. He kept calling me every variation of a nickname off of my name possible. Any work that was done (4 fillings and a cleaning -- it's genetic, don't judge me), was done in 4 minute periods of time... and then I would just sit there alone for 15 minutes without any explanation as to what was going on.

When I finally got out of there 2 hours later, I heard a woman screaming from a room behind me yelling about how she was being treated.

It was a very odd time.

Oh. And instead of a simple mouth-numbing, the whole left side of my face was numbed (including behind me ear). It was interesting indeed. I'm not sure if I'll go back here... although they did do a pretty good job as far as I can tell.

8am

It is not currently 8am, but it will be at some point. And a that time, I will have class... everyday... Monday through Friday. I seriously cannot function that early in the morning and learn about metabolic pathways etc.... especially when most of those days are long with other classes and/or work. It's only the first week of class, and I already feel exhausted. I can't wait unti lthe weekend when I can sleep in. How do people do this when they have jobs? I must admit that I have a certain level of respect for people who have to get up early to do something they hate. At least school is interesting.

signed in

I'm back. I guess. Back from Nicaragua. Back from Norway, Finland, San Diego, Los Angeles.... wherever the hell I've been over these last months... I'm back. Kind of. I guess I'm here in LA, which never makes me feel the way I do when I go somewhere where I feel "back," but I guess it'll do.


I took the Amtrak from SD to LA today. They overbooked the train, so not everyone had a seat. Luckily, the business class car (who travels business class amtrak anyways?) and they pushed a bunch of people who got on the train last, and thus who couldn't find a seat, to that car. Unfortunately, the selection of said people consisted of people who were already drunk... and myself. Hooray. No really. Hooray! So much entertainment in seeing a whole car of drunk people smoking pot and cigarettes "secretly," all while getting drunker and drunker... and this one fat ugly chick with all these random ass tattoos kept bending over and laughing, jigglying everywhere. I swear, it was like she just got tattoos on whim... like one afternoon she thought, "yeah... pooh... and a SPIDER WEB! AWESOME!" Gross.

Anyways, I'm here. Made it from downtown LA with only 2 creepy young guys and 1 creepy old man making moves on me. Seriously... up until the elevator of Justin's apartment. Hooray.

Out.