14 Years of Education

So as you know, I am working at City Hall now. Because one of my duties at the EAD is to write and publish their monthly newsletter, I was asked to compose a sample article concerning mosquito abatement during a portion of my interview; they simply wanted to see if I could write, and if I showed any signs of remote intelligence -- which apparently is quite difficult to come by now-a-days if you read on. The prompt was to write an article for the general public concerning the purpose of abating mosquitos as well as techniques. Pretty straight forward. Anyways, so I wrote something up and thought it was pretty good. I guess it was, because they called my less than 2 hours later to offer me the job.... it made me feel good.

Anyways, so today I was working on the computer I had typed up the article on when I came across some files on the desktop. I opened them up and saw that they were the responses of other candidates: one from this year, and one from last. I emailed them to myself.

I warn you: what you are about to witness may terrify you... but mostly it will just make you laugh... and be very very happy that you received a good education, and that you learned how to write, and that you even know what mosquitoes ARE. And keep in mind... these are COLLEGE STUDENTS.

The following are those very attempts to write. I didn't change anything. I didn't write them. Hell, I'm not THAT funny.

Indulge: (Oh, I left the names off of course.... I wouldn't want them stumbling upon this after googling their own name, and than have to cry over how stupid they are)

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Mosquito abatement is currently an important issue for the residents of Los Angeles. This article provides information on the risks involved with mosquito bites and ways of avoiding that.

Summer season brings in lots of bounties, but also a few problems. Pests, parasites, insects and the resulting diseases are a few of those problems. Mosquito bites can cause Malaria and West Nile diseases. These diseases can be fatal in some cases.

In order to avoid these problems, the City of Los Angeles is conducting a mosquito abatement program. The program involves spraying pesticides on stagnant water ponds and at-risk locations like wild bushes, etc. Those efforts are aimed at checking the spread of mosquito related diseases, but those are not enough. There is always an element of chance that some of the mosquitoes might survive. It is therefore important that residents of Los Angeles should be informed of the ways to avoid being bitten by mosquitoes.

You, as a resident of Los Angeles can protect yourself from mosquitoes by taking care of the following:

• Mosquitoes generally breed in dark, moist places. Please make sure that your back and front yards are clean and clear of garbage, rotten furniture, food items, standing water, or any other object, which might provide good breeding ground for mosquitoes

• Always use a mosquito repellant when camping outside or staying outside, especially at night

• Spray pesticides on any dark, moist, open places in your residence

• Please report any stagnant pond, or dark, moist, dirty locations in your neighborhood to the Environmental Affairs Division of City of Los Angeles at 1-800-439-4666, for spray of pesticides and prevention of mosquito development

• If you see a mosquito somewhere, please also report the location immediately to the phone number mentioned above

• Ask your doctor if you can take Quinine as prevention against Malaria

• Use a mosquito net to sleep in, especially if sleeping outside

• If you or anybody else you know is bitten by a mosquito, please see a doctor immediately

The City of Los Angeles is trying its best to prevent the spread of mosquitoes. By taking these measures, you’ll protect yourself and help the City in its campaign. Working together, we will be able to have a safe, happy and enjoyable summer.

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Mosquitoes can carry diseases. Mosquitoes can transfer the diseases they carry to the lay Los Angeles resident with one bite. Therefore, policy makers in the Los Angeles metropolitan area must debate mosquito abatement. If a mosquito from an area, such as Africa, or the jungles of the Amazon, areas where biomedical research and prevalence of diseases have not been fully explored, carries a disease and that disease is eventually transferred between mosquitoes and individuals around the globe, the results can be catastrophic. Life necessities, such as water, may be affected in the long run. Viruses, such as West Nile and Ebola, and diseases that travel through the water that mosquitoes inhabit and/or drink will only result in adverse affects for Los Angeles residents. A worse case scenario resulting from a mosquito bite may result in a disease that is carried through the water.

Mosquito bites result in a loss of blood. Though this loss of blood is minimal, if mosquitoes swarm a Los Angeles resident the loss blood can become dangerous. Frequent “attacks” by mosquitoes can be detrimental to one’s health. In rare cases, mosquito swarms can be deadly if not treated with anti-biotics and the like.

In order to reduce the risk of being bitten, Los Angeles residents may choose from a variety of options. One, during the hot summer, if a humid day is on the horizon, residents should be aware of any doors or vents, and the like, that are open at any point during the day. An open door or vent will give the mosquito the option of coming into a domicile in order to swarm an unsuspecting Los Angeles resident. Another option revolves around the use of bug spray. While policy makers ponder the issue of mosquito abatement, Los Angeles residents should begin using bug spray as if it is body wash or sunscreen. Residents ought to become accustomed to using bug spray, especially during hot and humid California days when the amount of mosquitoes will be higher than usual.

The dangers mosquitoes pose are underestimated. In the short term, Los Angeles residents are not as threatened as those living within Washington, New York, Philadelphia or Miami. Sunny Los Angeles is not affected by the high percentages of humidity that characterize the above metropolitan areas during the summer and occasionally during the spring and fall.
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What a wonderful conclusion. It really tied everything together quite well.
Oh, we calculated that it would take approx. 80,000 mosquito bites to drain a person's blood from their body.