I Have A Dream

I hurt a bit today.

So yesterday I went to go hang out with some friends after they had finished work. Played some cards. You know, nothing special. :-) We stayed up all night though. I hadn't done that -- staying up all night hanging out, NOT homework -- in a very very long time. I almost didn't let it happen for me...

I started a painting last night, which felt really good. I haven't sat down, well I wasn't sitting actually, to do a complete project rather than something really quickly in an hour or so. I haven't even finished it yet. I'll admit it, I was too angry. I find that I work best with negative enrgy driving me, but I'll be getting into some detailed stuff next, and I needed to feel as calm as possible. I know my hands would have been shaky. Since I couldn't paint, and had nothing else to do (be it 2am and not tired) I decided I should go, howeve only after much deliberation in my mind. I think it's interesting that my anger lets me do things -- that sometimes I need it to allow me to do things differently, with different energy. I hadn't felt that way in a while.

It's really hot in our apartment, because wind has ceased to exist in all of Southern California. I just woke up now. Mostly because of a dream, but also because it's freaking hot. Well, that's what I get for waking up at 1:45pm.

I dreamt that I was hanging out with friends last night, staying up the whole night. Kind of a replay of last night, only outside. Then this monster came. It was obviously a costume, and we were playing scared for the fun of it. It didn't actually hurt anyone, though I tripped and it came after me. It was a Blue-Skeleton costume. Man, it wasbiiiig.

And then I dreamed that Alyssa fell off of the balcony. She was ok though. But that part just kept replaying and replaying. Whenever something like that happens ina dream, it reoccurs, but differently each time until it works out ok. Well, she shouldn't have been sitting on the damn edge.

I also recieved a bunch of phone calls in the night. I remember checking my watch in the dream and it was 5am. I kept thinking it was going to be my mom, all worried where I was, but instead it just kept being these people that I don't care about at all in real life.

The dream ended with us deciding that we should go out somewhere and do something. I'm in the apartment grabbing my things when the doorbell rings. It's Justin and he's all wet from swimming in a pool. There a bunch of people outside, a little behind him, who are all laughing. I slammed the door and went back to my room. I remember feeling really abd that I had done that. Anyways, ]I went back to my room, and Justin came in, a little angry at me obviosuly. And I continue getting ready. But all of the sudden, I can't decide what to wear. Nothing I put on feels comfortable in how it looks or wears. Everything is either too big or too small. I kept trying things on forever. Time and time again I would take off and put on clothes, all while everyone was waiting for me. And I just kept doing it, constantly apologising. In the end I found what I wanted to wear. Haha, I remember it exactly. It was my grey skirt, my grey tank top, and this really nice yellow shirt that had such nice embroidary on it. That yellow shirt doesn't exist in reality though. I put it on, and go to the bathroom mirror, and was shocked to realize that the yellow shirt I had put on isn't actually on me anymore. It's this black button up shirt that I have (with annoying buttons) and the only button that is buttoned it the one at the very top. I was upset but let it go.

And then I woke up.