Dearly Department

Since Justin and I both work at the police department, with him being a supervisor, I am technically not allowed to work shifts that give him direct supervision over me. Notice how I say that "I... I... I am not allowed to work." See, it's not that he's not allowed to have me work under him, although it is. But I feel like that it is never an issue from that perspective. I truly feel like it is a double standard. Justin schedules his supervisor shifts, and I have to schedule around them. Even if it is more convenient for me to work on Thursday night, I can't, because he would be the supervisor. I am limited to working reshalls, which tonight goes to 0200 hours, and that's a little too late for my liking since I have school tomorrow.

I'm just frustrated. He sent out this email tonight begging people to fill holes in the schedule, so I called him and asked, and he suggested I work reshalls. Well, you know what? I don't want to work reshalls. I don't want to walk around for 5 hours and not be able to read or study, and then get back at 0230 only to have to wake up 6 hours later.

I want to work Anderson. I want to work Unex. Fuck - I even suggested I wanted to work Powell. POWELL. I HATE Powell.

The system annoys me. I understand why it is in place, but what special priveledges could he possibly be giving me at POWELL? POWELL?! It's not like he's going to redeploy Baker 2 to check ID cards for me while I go sit in an empty room with lots and lots of candy in it. I understand not being a field unit. I understand completely. Even a baker unit. Because then he could be driving me around, or taking my escorts for me (which would NOT happen, I assure you). I don't understand how when we would act just like any other supervisor-unit relationship, we instead have to be stigmatized.

I think what really bothers me about it is that I don't have the ability to take control over my schedule to the degree that, in fact, everyone else has. I think it's unfair. It bothers me. It's actually making me really upset right now. Damnit. I've gone and given myself a headache.

You know, a lot of people think that I didn't follow through with interviewing for supervisor because of the other job I got. Oh, how wrong they are. I didn't find this other job until AFTER I withdrew my letter of intent ( I needed SOMETHING to do over the summer. Especially since my mom offered to pay my rent if I did something "productive" by her standards.... although that never happened because of my decision to live with Justin over the summer. Yeah, the parents weren't that supportive... financially... meaning at all). I wanted to become I supervisor... damn. I really did. I really could have made it, you know? I could have. I got pressured by my parents to maybe find something else, or to focus more on school... which were valid arguments... but I didn't withdrawl 100% in due part to them. No, I did it because I knew I wouldn't ever get to see Justin. Ok, lame, I know. But it's true. We wouldn't be able to work together, we would each have two late nights a week (at least) and then school. It just wasn't what I wanted. I thought that it would hurt our relationship. And even then, I would be lower-ranking, and get all the shit-nights to work.

And once again, I would get stuck revolving my schedule around someone else.

God, I hate it. I'm the only one who it affects.

I'm going to say on the record that it is not fair. It is stupid. If the rule had a face, that face would be ugly. And I would want to punch it.

And that's ON the record.