Impregnation Request

About 4 years ago, someone told me my that my words are very pregnant.

They were. There always seemed to be so much that I wanted to say, but was afraid to say directly. It was just easier most of the time. It was a way for me to express myself without having everybody necessarily catch on.

Now I have the opposite problem.

I can't express what I want to through conversation. Writing, I can do. I don't do all of it here. A lot of it I write in my sketchbook alongside my pictures.

I'm becoming more visual. I need to draw you to show you. I can't sit there and talk about everything. About just anything. I wish that I could, but maybe it's not right.

Today I thought I was silly. I'm trying to push something, and all I'm doing is pushing it away. I want something, but I'm not taking what I have and taking it for what it's worth -- which is the most I've ever experienced. I'm probably really stupid.

Yeah. I'd say that.

I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way. Dissection of thoughts always. I think because it's different it should feel this scary. But I don't understand why i can't make it feel natural, or why it's this difficult. Having all of this inside of me sucks.
Damnit. I just don't get it.