The Standards

I'm going to be a little open here. More so that I usually am, which actually hasn't been all that open since about Februay of last year:

... fuck... i've stopped knowing how to be open. I'm going to do my best however.

Do you ever wonder why we have to here something to believe it? Why is a feeling sometimes not good enough, even when the feeling itself is so damn good? I can't understand why I need those words to validate what I feel to be true. I know its silly, but maybe it's because it's used so liberally among other people. That's the only thing that has been difficult. I'm not going to be the one to put myself out there, because I got shot down. I said it, and I got shot down... so now I have no choice but to leave it up to him ... but it's turning into something more difficult than I could ever have imagined ... just because it came so much more quickly than I thought it would.

my eyes are sleepy. I can't even keep them awake.

Is it me, or is it that girls just seem to care more? Why is that? Aren't guys supposed to be the ones fawning over us? ... you know, the whoel gamete size thing, reproductive investment etc... since when did girls start competing for the attention of men? I'm so tired of it.... maybe it's because the quality in guys has really gone down, and some guys just don't care what girls come their way. Shift in standards.

Whatevs. no matter how many people probably hate me by now, I still consider myself to be pretty awesome.

I guess that wasn't all that more open, but I'll try to make an effort to be so. It would be nice for myself at least. I'm very tired right now. Lots of fun today, so now I have to sleep. And dream. Of you. Hopefully good dreams -- unlike that horrible nightmare I had on Wednesday. Jesus. That almost made me cry.

Miss you. I do.